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He didn't come home again

3 replies

CurlyHurlyWurly · 16/02/2018 08:25

My DH has a drinking problem. He's able to go a few months without drinking, but then relapses. He works in a bar (!) and tends to drink only in work. I always know when he's been drinking because he doesn't come home at 11pm like normally - in fact, like last night, he doesn't come home at all.

He went to councelling for a little while but is unable to dig really deep into his childhood to find what triggers him. He insists he can quit drinking by himself, but he consistently shows he is not able to do so. He says working in a bar is not a trigger, and I believe it's true. Even if he worked in an office, if he wants to drink, he would drink.

We have a small baby, and I am more or less the sole carer of our child, as even when DH is sober he doesn't partake in much childcare (although DS is still breastfed so it's maybe a little forgivable at this stage).

I don't even know what I want out of this post. I know I probably need to leave him before DS starts understanding. But I don't feel brave or strong enough to leave. And I desperately want to give DS a sibling. I know it probably sounds irresponsible and stupid, but I was an only child and really suffered with it. I feel like if I have another child, I would feel better about leaving DH. Does this make any sense? I am very tired and sad and exhausted.

OP posts:
Snookie00 · 16/02/2018 08:31

I could have written your post almost a word for word ten years ago. I decided to stick it out and hope he would get to grips with it. We had another baby but I left him when the kids were 7 and 9 as his drinking never improved.

You seem so strong and realistic about the future. You know that this is not going to get better. How would you feel about being a single mother to 2 kids? How would you manage for work/ money? Things to consider when thinking about your next step.

PositiveVibes18 · 16/02/2018 08:38

I feel your pain. But working in a bar is a trigger. The alcohol is right there, it's in front of you and much easier accessible than say an office. Although it wouldn't solve the issue it would be a step in the right direction.

Personally I wouldn't be so selfish and have another child, not with this man any way. Your DS will not suffer being an only child. It is what you make it with your DS.

I think though your DH does need to change jobs and look at support such as charities to help him. I'm sorry you're going through this OP it's not easy to deal with 😔

SilverHairedCat · 16/02/2018 08:43

I am the daughter of an alcoholic father. Please leave this man.

Your upbringing as an only child doesn't mean your child will suffer but they are likely to suffer more by living such an alcoholic.

Indeed, alcoholism in the family seems to pass down through generations. My brother and I are the first of my father's family NOT to be alcohol dependent. We have broken the cycle.

Break the cycle. Protect your and your child. Bringing another child into this is too selfish and totally unnecessary.

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