Need to stop drinking

[Kittykat93]

Name changed but a regular poster. I think I just need a kick up the bum/advice.

I have a binge drinking problem. I can go for ages without alcohol, but when I start I don't know when to stop. I pick arguments with my dp and become highly emotional and tearful when drunk.

I had a baby a few months ago and I am ashamed to say that I have been drunk a fair few times since the birth. Not something I'm proud of, In fact I'm disgusted. But it's always started out as 'just one glass of wine' and then next thing I know it's over a bottle, I've caused a huge row and gone to bed crying.

I do suffer with depression and have had a very tough few years. The drinking brings all of my negative emotions to the surface.

I know it's bad for me, my relationship and my baby but I just can't seem to stop doing it.

Last night it came to a head and I'm feeling awful today and racked with guilt every time I look at my baby and partner. I need to do something now before I fuck my whole life up.

I guess I'm just hoping someone has been through this and managed to stop drinking. I'm feeling desperate.

Thank you

First of all, don't beat yourself up unduly. It's great that you have recognised that you have a problem and you want to sort it out. That is a huge first step in addressing the problem.

Based on my own experience of being a binge drinker I think you would do well now to start reading and listening to some of the many free blogs and podcasts on sobriety. I would also recommend buying books on alcohol and recovery. Doing all of this will should, I hope, lead you to find stories and information that really echo with you and help you to understand why you drink the way you do and give you some strategies on how you might be able to stop drinking the way you do. It will also show you that there is a great life to be had without booze.

There are a lot of books, blogs, forums, groups and podcasts out there and some of them may not be up your street but some of them will be so persevere until you find something that really speaks to you. Also, and this is the key, keep reading, listening, learning, make it part of your day. Even if it is just, an hour of a self-help book at bedtime or listening to one podcast on your headphones as you walk to the shops.

Keep doing it because (a) you will find some comfort, strength and support in it and (b)hopefully, eventually, the penny will drop and you will reach a point where you could happily never pick up a boozy drink again.

I have been doing this since January 2017. I haven't had a binge since July 2017, my drinking has tailed off since then and I now haven't had a drink since Christmas Eve and even went to a New Years Eve party, didn't drink, didn't miss it and had a bloody good time. Going into 2018 I feel in a much stronger position to go alcohol free than I have ever felt before and I do believe it is because I worked hard to unpick my relationship with booze.

It's a very personal journey and you need to find what works for you but it most definitely is a journey, don't be hard on yourself if you can't stop immediately put the time in and you will get there eventually.

There are plenty of Sobriety Blogs out there which you can Google and read for free.

There are many, many self-help books out there all with something useful to take from. I have quite the library of recovery books now - most bought second hand which keeps costs down but if I was pushed to say which one helped me the most then I would say Alcohol Explained by William Porter is the one that really shifted my thinking and got me over the line.

www.amazon.co.uk/Alcohol-Explained-William-Porter-ebook/dp/B00W4D1YW4?tag=mumsnetforum-21

The following Podcasts really helped me. I used to listen to them in bed last thing at night, on the train to work, in the car, walking around the supermarket and generally anytime I was feeling weakened by it all.

www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour - free podcast

soundcloud.com/needy-helper - free podcast.

You might find the DRY threads or the Brave Babes Battle Bus threads on here useful - I personally couldn't get on with the format but plenty get great support there. There are also life chats and other forums you can go to if that's your thing - like Sober Sisters.

Anyway. I hope that there is something in the above that helps you and you are feeling OK today.

Thank you so much for such a helpful and detailed response. Lots there for me to try.

It's good to hear you've managed it, I do worry about going out to parties, Christmas etc. And not having drink as a crutch. But I need to learn to have a good time without drinking. Luckily, with a young baby I won't be going out very often !

Still feeling awful about everything, but it already feels like a weight has lifted just from admitting I have a problem.

Well done on being sober, I hope one day I can help someone else in my situation like you are !

Thank you again x

You are most welcome.

The above is just my experience and not a blueprint by any means, find what works for you.

All I know is that I worked on it, analysed why I drank (social lubrication, to forget, to get out of it etc), understood my triggers and learned how to avoid them, learned how alcohol acts negatively on my body and brain (the William Porter book is great for that) and one day a switch flicked in my head and I said to myself "Why the hell am I drinking, it's absolutely pointless" and at that point it was easy to stop and easier to go out and be around people who were drinking.

It took a while to there mind but tt was like being de-programmed or coming out of a trance. Two books that work on that sort of de-programming principle are Allen Carr Stop Drinking Now and Jason Vale's book Kick the Drink Easily. I have both and have read them several times.

The Allen Carr method worked really well for me when I wanted to give up smoking but it was much harder and took longer with booze because you are fighting societal pressure , expectation and sadly judgement if you don't drink.

Sorry, I'm off again. I'll stop. Best of luck with it all.