Something my DH said has made me think

[PurpleNurple69]

I can’t believe I’m writing this post as I never thought I had a problem with alcohol. We were talking about our various city breaks we’ve been on during the last couple of years. Virtually every single trip I’ve got memory gaps and kept saying “oh I can’t remember going there or doing that”. To my absolute horror my DH replied “that’s because you were always drunk”. And he’s right. When I say I was drunk I don’t mean falling down staggering drunk, just not sober and present.

What a bloody waste. All those beautiful and interesting cities and i can barely remember any of them 😢

Trouble is I don’t want to quit drinking. I enjoy it but my mental health isn’t the best (low self esteem, paranoia and anxiety) my sleeping is terrible and the worst thing? I substitute food with wine. Id rather and often do have 2 glasses of red instead of dinner.

I just don’t know where to start. The thought of pouring out all the booze in the house makes me feel a wee bit panicky if I’m honest. I’m too embarrassed to discuss this with anyone - DH, Doctor or family.

I’m 48, 2 adult children, happily married and in a great well paid job. Why the hell do I need alcohol as a crutch?

Stop missing meals for alcohol. No wonder you're not sleeping.

Sounds like you are using the drink to mask your other issues.

I think you need to get help asap for the mental health/anxiety so you are actually dealing with the problems and not hiding them.

Maybe cut out the drinking for a month say and see how you feel you will probably find you sleep better and therefore the low self esteem, paranoia and anxiety will improve. If you can't cut out the drink knowing it will improve your mental well being then you have a problem. Put your health before the drink ....you know it makes sense

I know youve said you'd be too embarrassed but I really would urge you to discuss this with your doctor or practice nurse. What you're describing is actually a fairly significant alcohol problem and these types of issues do generally need some RL support to help get a handle on them.

No advice really. But to say well done for listening to what your DH has to say, feeling regret over the past, recognising both that change needs to happen and that you’re not certain that you can or want it to. Huge steps. Could your gp help?

Please get in touch with let’s talk well being on NHS

Thank you for replying everyone.

I’m on my phone so I can’t scroll back to see who wrote what so I’m sorry I can’t address you individually.

I didn’t think it was that much of a problem but it seems it is 😕 and seeing someone saying it is significant is scary. Thank you.

I was at my GP a few weeks ago about my anxiety levels and he wasn’t very supportive really. However all I really wanted was for him to prescribe me more meds (I’m on Prozac for PMDD) and he said I’m on a high enough dose. I did say that I wanted to make some major lifestyle changes like cutting back on alcohol, getting exercise, eating better etc. I know all these things will help - it’s just willpower I lack.

I’m also very much in the habit of disappearing inside myself and I’m convinced I can do all of this by myself. It happens all the time and as soon as I open up and talk to my DH I feel better and stronger. God my DH is just amazing! I don’t deserve him.

I’m sitting here wanting to ask him outright “do you think I have a problem with alcohol” but I’m scared. It makes it real.

I'm reading Allen Carr's book, Easyway after seeing it recommended on here. I'm about 2/3 of the way through and it's really changing how I feel about alcohol. I just wanted to cut down a bit - I also will have a couple of glasses of wine instead of an evening meal, even if I've cooked it for everyone else. It was £5 on kindle, could be worth a try? Dh has nearly finished the book and had one glass of wine last night instead of a bottle, I couldn't believe it when I heard him put the kettle on at about 9pm.

For us it's the cost, we spend about £50 a week on wine, £2,500 a year!! What a waste.

Bit of additional background. I come from a family of alcoholics so grew up with it. Particularly my Dad and paternal gran. Both high functioning. My dad died very young of cirrhosis of the liver - he was 52. His alcohol intake was phenomenal - 2 bottles of vodka and 4 cans of some sort of beer. Every day. He never ate food just drank coffee - another pattern I’m repeating.

I need to stop. I really really do before I ruin my life. I’m so sad that I’ve let this happen. I’ve always said I had no time for “alkies”.

I’m going for a shower then I’m going to speak with DH. Wish me luck.

Your quality of sleep will be affected by your drinking.

The effectiveness of the Prozac will be affected by your drinking. In fact, it's recommended that you avoid alcohol completely when taking Prozac / anti-depressants.

www.healthline.com/health/depression/prozac-alcohol#introduction1

The first step is realising that you have a problem with alcohol so well done for doing that. What comes next is harder but there is lots of support available, and it sounds like you have an amazing supportive DH.

I’ve never added up the financial cost. Maybe I should. There is so much I want to do around the house but don’t have the money. I think I’d be shocked if I totted up what I’ve literally peed away.

Please read this book.

www.amazon.co.uk/Kick-Drink-Easily-Jason-Vale/dp/1845903900?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I read it a few months ago and have given up alcohol easily- it's completely changed how I view booze and I don't plan on drinking again!

I’ve seen the Jason Vale book recommended on MN a few times so ill take a look at that. I’ll also download the Allen Carr book on my kindle. One assumes it’s not Alan Carr Chatty Man?

Thank you for that link Hundred. That’s really helped, esp this bit:

Alcohol is a depressant, so drinking it when you have depression can make the symptoms of your condition worse. It can even cause signs of depression in people who don’t have clinical depression. Symptoms of depression can include:

frequent sadness
feelings of worthlessness
loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy
unusual tiredness
suicidal thoughts
If you’re tempted to drink when you feel depressed, don’t.

All that topped off with high dose Prozac? How the hell am I functioning at all? Probably pride. I’ve never called off work due to alcohol since I was 18. At least not Directly due to alcohol.......

Bertsfriend which Allen Carr book is it? There’s one called Easy Way to Control Alcohol and one called Easy Way for Women to Stop Drinking.**

No, not as funny as Alan Carr unfortunately . I haven't read the Jason Vale book but I might download it next if this doesn't do the trick. I've heard that the success rate is higher than AA because you don't feel that you're missing out by not drinking. I can't imagine it yet but I've been surprised by dh the last couple of evenings - I thought he'd really struggle, on Thursday eve I asked if he wanted anything and he looked at his empty wine glass, pulled a face and said 'Nah' as if I'd offered him a slap. Good luck with whichever way you do it though.

Easyway to Control alcohol, but that was because it's for both of us. I might've gone for the women one if it was just for me.

Well b step one is admitting you've got a problem. Well done.
My best friend has just stopped drinking. She's never messy drunk , just uses it way too much as a crutch, and only really enjoys something with a drink in her hand.

It's only been a few weeks, but her self doubt, highs and lows, insomnia and small dramas have stopped. She thought she would founder, but she is actually finding life much easier.
Go for it, you have do much to gain.
Keep on keeping on.

How Are you getting on...

Hi User thanks for asking! To be honest nothing has changed really.

I spoke to my DH and my young adult kids and asked them outright if they thought I drank too much or had a problem with drink. My 20yo DD said yes, a little bit. The surprising thing was my DH said no! I asked him about the comment he made about me “always being drunk” and he can’t remember saying it so it was obviously a throwaway comment. However what he did say was the fact that I’m asking about it tells him that I think I have a problem and that’s all that matters.

To put things into context, I’ll occasionally drink a bottle of red wine on a weeknight. I usually have another bottle at the weekend and sometimes on a Sunday evening I’ll have a couple of spirit/mixers. This is at home. If we go out for a few drinks instead I’ll have a couple of glasses of red and then 2/3 cocktails. I’m not drinking every day or night and I’m not getting drunk. But when you tot it up it’s more than the recommended number of units.

So nothing has changed really. I decided to give up booze for a month. That lasted 2 days.