24 days sober but can't forgive myself

[butterfly1115]

I am really proud to say I am 24 days sober and feeling much better in myself. However I am really struggling to let go of all the guilt and shame I feel about how I was behaving when under the influence. I did some really stupid, irresponsible things and have let my family down greatly. I am trying so hard to focus on the good in my life (kids) and realise that the behaviour wasn't all my fault (I was recently diagnosed with bipolar) but it's really getting me down. I am so angry with myself for what happened and even though I'm doing better now I feel like there is a dark cloud hanging over me. I am going on holiday on Friday with my children and I really want to have a good time and not feel so down and guilty :-(

No experience or advice but just wanted to say congratulations on getting sober.

Could you get counselling through AA I think forgiving yourself is part of the 12 steps.

You can't change anything about the past but you can change everything about the future. Make it a great holiday! Not in terms of money but by being there for your children mentally not just physically. Renew your connection with them.

What would you say to someone else in your situation?

If you want to - Google compassionate mind letters. They are like letters or forgiveness to yourself

You're doing great, be kind to yourself

I have counselling and am about to start hypnotherapy.

I know if it was a friend I would be telling them to forgive themselves and that what matters is the here and now. I just struggle to do it myself x

Write a letter to yourself pretending you are writing to a friend - you won't believe it at first but keep reading it to yourself

The important thing is that you have stopped, which can't have been easy. Congratulations. I hope you are taking vitamin B supplements, because alcohol seriously depletes it.

I have also been where you are and I know of the terrible guilt you are talking about. You would just love, and would give anything to turn the clock back, and not have these terrible things happen.

But this is not going to help. You need to focus on the positives and live in the knowledge that you have made a mistake (and you would not have otherwise made this mistake had it not been for the alcohol) but draw a line under this and move on from it.

I personally, have come to realise that everytime I have a drink, my day/night ends in disaster, there is always a drama and this only happens when I have a drink. I have had people tell me I am a nicer, funnier, wittier person without a drink and that I seem to disappear into myself when I have a drink. My good friends will tell me the truth and I value that, so for me, alcohol had to go.

You are certainly not alone in this, there are thousands of people out there who experience the same but at least you had the courage to come on here and chat about it. Well done you!!

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope everything works out for you. Enjoy your holiday, look forward to it and look to the future now, stop beating yourself up and enjoy your life!!!

XXX

I have also been where you are and I know of the terrible guilt you are talking about. You would just love, and would give anything to turn the clock back, and not have these terrible things happen.

But this is not going to help. You need to focus on the positives and live in the knowledge that you have made a mistake (and you would not have otherwise made this mistake had it not been for the alcohol) but draw a line under this and move on from it.

I personally, have come to realise that everytime I have a drink, my day/night ends in disaster, there is always a drama and this only happens when I have a drink. I have had people tell me I am a nicer, funnier, wittier person without a drink and that I seem to disappear into myself when I have a drink. My good friends will tell me the truth and I value that, so for me, alcohol had to go.

You are certainly not alone in this, there are thousands of people out there who experience the same but at least you had the courage to come on here and chat about it. Well done you!!

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope everything works out for you. Enjoy your holiday, look forward to it and look to the future now, stop beating yourself up and enjoy your life!!!

XXX