20 days and counting

[mylittlephoney]

So I have finally admitted that I have a problem with alcohol. I have so far managed 20 days without it. But instead of it getting easier it's getting harder to resist. I don't want to drink as I know I won't stop. I don't know what to do. My "friend" said don't stop untill you've reached rock bottom as you won't see it through.
I can't do AA. I have a child with sn and I work too. But I don't want to drink to excess any more. I want to be able to stop at just the one or pass altogether .
I want the control back.
This is so bloody hard. I just want to put that wine bottle in the fridge and count down the hours till I stop work and can drink it.
Anyone out their have any sage words of encouragement. I won't be able to post back a lot as I'm at work in a while. But i need words...

Wow. 20 days. One more and that is three whole weeks. You should be so stupidly proud of yourself.
Every day your body is stronger and fitter and you are better off. So is your child.
AA isn't for everyone. It works for lots of people but not everyone finds it helpful. Online support? Try NHS website? Speak to GP? You can do this. Good luck OP

Thank u so much. It feels surreal at times. I do feel better in myself now. But I know it's something I must do. Thanks again for your kind words.

I know this post was a few weeks ago however I'm sat here angry because I'm not drinking this weekend (3 days sober!) and when I read your post remembered some advice I was given:
All the time we are drinking alcohol we are suppressing deep emotional issues inside us. When we stop our bodies adjust and we feel pain like we've never felt before as it's new and raw. It will take time and if you haven't stayed dry please don't beat yourself up - 20 days is amazing!!
I go various stints from 3 months to a few days and over the past 3 years would say I rarely drink now but it still effects me hugely but when I do.