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drinking binge
16

tallie82 · 18/07/2016 07:33

I have always liked drinking and have suffered with depression my whole life. 8 weeks ago my husband after years of manipulating and emotionally abusing me threatened to kill me and shoved me I tp a door so I had him arrested. This has left me alone with 2 Yong children (4&10m) and I a struggling to cope. I was drinking before he left and had several episodes as I Call them where I'd drink, go out and try (and sometimes succeed) to getting high on cocaine which caused massive strain on our relationship and I now feel this is all my fault. This weekend o have so e it all again, drank, some drugs, went back to some guys house and there was kissing etc (no sex thankfully) so I feel horribly guilty that I've cheated on my husband and he will never forgive me. He seems to be doing so well, seeing the kids at the weekend and working hard while I'm falling apart. He never gave a crap about the Kida when he was here so I think he has now realized what he done and wants to make amends. I still love him and want to try and work things out bit we can't talk as he is out bail and the conditions are no contact with me until the court case in September. I have bewwn to the doctors so many times but am going again today as I feel suicidal. I know this is all down to alcohol but I've tries to stop and I can't. I'm destroying y life, I feel so awful I can't look at my kids without crying and I just hate myself so much I self harmed at the weekend 2. Everything is such a Mess, my parents are very supportive but are at their witts end with me and so am I. I hate what I've become, o am like a different person hen I drink. I know some of it is to do with the medication I take for depression as it can make me hyper so I drink. I'm trying to come off them so I can go on something else . Sorry of this sound all over the place I'm just trying to get it all down. None of this is done around my kids although i have drank when they are up. I feel so low and hopeless I just want to end it all to stop the cycle. The only thing that stops me is my kids.

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PotteringAlong · 18/07/2016 07:36

Where are your children now? What time will they be back?

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tallie82 · 18/07/2016 07:46

They are here now. LG is off to school soon and I have LB

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ApocalypseSlough · 18/07/2016 08:00

Don't stop your meds without advice but do stop drinking, and urgently. What can you do today to ensure you won't have mother weekend like this one? Will your dcs be with their dad? Can you arrange to go and stay with your parents then?

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tallie82 · 18/07/2016 08:09

Yes I will go and stay with my mum on Saturday when he has them. I am just trying to take one day at a time. I am waiting for the doctors to call me back so hoping I can go in and see someone today.

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ApocalypseSlough · 19/07/2016 12:15

How was yesterday? What are today's plans?

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tallie82 · 20/07/2016 12:15

I went to turning point and they assessed me and will send me a letter inviting me in to see what help they can offer me. I also went to the doctors and they have changed my medication as it is still causing hyper mania which makes me drink. I haven't had a drink and don't have any desire at the moment. Just taking one day at a time.

Still feeling very guilty and ashamed. Missing my husband, hoping he can forgive me for what I did.

Today is the is day of term so I am taking the kids for ice cream after school.

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NotNob · 20/07/2016 12:19

Would you consider calling the AA helpline? They will help you. I was terribly depressed until I stopped drinking.

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BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 20/07/2016 12:30

The alcohol will be affecting how effective your meds are, so they won't be working properly. That's reason enough to knock it on the head. Alcohol, as you probably already know, is a depressant in itself.

I know why you were drinking - I've been there - but right now do as you're doing and stop, one day at a time. It will get easier. As well as Turning Point, have you considered accessing a local alcohol and substance abuse support service?

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ApocalypseSlough · 21/07/2016 10:37

Reread your first post when you're missing got husband. Please contact AA and eat sweet things. Alcohol contains a lot of sugar and you can satisfy that craving safely.
Flowers

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BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 21/07/2016 10:55

Apocalypse is right about eating sweet things - it really helps with the cravings. A wise man on here once said that you can lose any weight you put on because of it, but you can't get your life back if drinking kills you.

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ApocalypseSlough · 21/07/2016 11:19

Beauty was that mif? I miss him! OP advance search miflaw for some great stopping drinking advice.

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BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 21/07/2016 11:25

It was! He was brilliant, straight talking but always supportive. What happened to him?

I often wonder what happened to some of the people who were on the early Brave Babes/DRY threads, like Kokeshi.

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grannyinwaiting · 21/07/2016 11:31

I was on the original DRY threads and am happy to say I am now nearly three years alcohol free. I cannot emphasise enough how much my life has changed. The kind of drinking I did and you op, seem to be doing is borne from a deep self loathing and feeling that you're not good enough. I did it myself with online support but if AA is nearby , there is no shame or harm in contacting them. Please please do it for your children and of course yourself. You will never regret it. xx

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grannyinwaiting · 22/07/2016 15:35

How are you tallie?

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tallie82 · 22/07/2016 17:11

Ok thanks. Took the kids to the zoo today nd going up to visit my great granny tomorrow.....keeping busy altho I haven't actually wanted a drink yet. Still feeling very ashamed of how I behaved last weekend but only time will heal that one....just scared I will crumble and loose my kids ;-( xx

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grannyinwaiting · 22/07/2016 19:15

You won't ! The shame will eventually go I promise. Just keep busy and drink nice soft drinks.

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