hello everyone. this is my first post. I was encouraged to post as I read a few very useful posts on here.
I don't know if I have a question or if this is just more of a request for support/advice. I started having real problems with alcohol around 10 years ago. I was blacking out, uisng alcohol as a way to escape, and generally losing control. at this time my daughter was 5 years old and I was a single parent. I was able to go three weeks without drink, hold down a job and then would binge once a month when my daughter was with my parents. but it slowly crept up on me in 2011 when I went through a traumatic death in my family, and a relationship break up. anyway I finally went to AA and it really helped for around a year. since then Ive had months of sobriety here and there but never been able to get it back to how I was in my first year. I will ocassionally drink but usually I do it when my daughter is out, and I stick to a specific amount. however recently I went over my limit while she was at home, and her dad was around so I wasnt the only adult here. However, I think she knew I was drunk and she seemed annoyed. the next day I was so ill and I couldnt remember getting to bed etc. I felt so guilty and have vowed yet again to abstain, at least until she is an adult. I know that I cannot control my alcohol intake and I cannot risk being drunk around my daughter (she is 15). However, AA just doesnt seem to work for me and I wonder if there are any mums out there who have succesfully beaten the demon drink who can help me? I have been reading alen carr's alcohol book, going to the gym every day, working hard and have abandoned every drinking friend I ever had. I suppose I should also mention her father is a drinker too, so I try not to be around him much. I feel stuck in a scary place and would like some help!! thank you for listening :)