Getting started

[meoryou]

Despair. Vicious circle. Deceitful. Lazy.
6 bottles of wine a week. Plus about 10 beers.
Self-medicating. So stressed. Want help but am frightened of ppl being cross & angry. Of the disappointment, the embarrassment.
Home in negative equity. 20k debts. Marriage on shit heap. Very fat. Terrible anxiety. Bullying & harassment at work.
Yes the alcohol isn't helping. Nor is the self-loathing.
I just don't know where to start. Overwhelmed.
I hate myself so much. Weak & pitiful.

You poor thing. I have no expertise at all, but didn't want your post to go unanswered. Sorting the alcohol problem has to be number one priority out of all the worries in your post, because the alcohol is stopping you from coping with everything else. Talk to your gp and/or contact AA. It may be a scary thing to do, but you need help from someone who is unjudgmental and knows what they are talking about.

Oh and go and look at the long-running thread on here (I think it's called Brave Babes and is on the Relationships board). Those ladies have been where you are and will give great advice. More .

Thanks. I think that makes sense. Everything should flow once I am in a better place, I think. I feel relieved to have posted and acknowledged where I'm at. Somewhere deep down I want to get better & save myself

Well that's a great attitude to start with! Seriously, check out those Brave Babes threads. I only looked at them out of interest but they are quite inspiring, and very helpful to someone in your situation, I expect.