Need to stop

[rainbow86]

I have two beautiful boys, an amazing husband, a lovely home. I didn't touch alcohol until a couple of years ago and I wish I never had.

It started when my youngest wasn't developing correctly, I kept saying something is wrong but kept being told he's fine, so I thought great I must be a rubbish mum if I can't deal with his behaviour.

Hubby did and does work late, not complaining I'm a stay at home mummy and very greatful I can be. I started drinking a couple of cans when my boys were tucked up in bed,then it was four-six beers,turned to wine, now I don't drink daily but practically every other day and my tolerance has increased, I don't have domestic nor violence issues, I don't go to point of black out,I'm very aware and no one outside family even realise I drink,I would never drink in a morning, only on afternoon bbq or gathering.

It's the emotional side,psychological side that destroys me,the guilt I feel for abusing my body this way,for not being the best I can be, the headaches feeling groggy in the morning where I should be alert,the times I have got drunk but only when I know that I'm with hubby from early.

I can drink 4 cans, or 8, I can drink wine,I had 11 units last night woke up ok which is worrying, I am not physically dependent in the sense of physical withdrawal symptoms, no shakes,maybe slight annoyance but I take full responsibility for the fact that I tend to binge drink and abuse alcohol even if I don't meet the doctors criteria for alcoholic.

I say I'm not going to drink for a bit but 2 days later oh sod it,it's sunny, I'm happy, I'm bored, I'm sad, I'm stressed any excuse.

As for earlier it turns out my son indeed has special needs currently going through diagnosis and through the not knowing the struggling, anxiety disorder and other sonsphysical problems, I stupidly chose to self medicate and now I'm at a better point with anxiety, I know where we are going support is in place but still I choose to drink alcohol, perhaps due to chemical changes in my brain, long story short, I need a bit of support, where to go,where to start and will I ever get the life I crave without alcohol, at the min I can't see life without it and that makes me feel like a terrible person, sorry it's long thanks for reading x

Weekly intake can range from 36-70 units equivalent 4-8 bottles wine, please don't judge

I know you will probably want to avoid seeing your GP, but there are new pills you can take if you drink every day/most days. I think you take the pill after having one drink - I assume it stops you wanting more.

Here's an article in The Independent about it.

There are many threads on MN, too - it might be a good idea to go on those in the evening?

It takes a lot of guts to ask for help - don't underestimate just what an incredibly brave thing you've done. It's a massive step.

I second the above poster - search for the brave babes bus thread.

Hi Rainbow

Until July last year, I'd crept up from drinking a couple of glasses a week over a number of years to a full wine box a night. I tried to stop on my own - I couldn't.
Alcoholism is an illness, and it's progressive. An alcoholics body doesn't deal with booze in the same way as a non alcoholics. Drinking causes us to crave more...hence why I could never stop at 'just one or two'. once I started, I had to continue, and one or two turned into 3-4 bottles a night without me ever really wanting to drink that. The only treatment for that physical craving is abstinence. However if you are an alcoholic, putting the drink down isn't enough, because we're not only physically hooked, we're mentally obsessed too.
As to the reasons why I drank, it became the only time that I ever felt good in my own skin. Without drink, I was absolutely miserable, so even when I did manage to not drink I wasn't doing well mentally or emotionally. I was angry, anxious, depressed.
I never drank to get drunk, I drank to feel ok.

I joined AA a little over ten months ago, and I haven't had a drink since. It saved my life. I'm doing well now, ended a bad marriage with a 'feeder' type, started to get my home life in a place where it should be, because make no mistake, this is very hard on children as we don't function as we should. On the hunt for a job at the moment and have picked up hobbys again that I left behind a long time ago. Life after booze doesn't have to be doom and gloom, we just have to work on what makes us pick up that drink in the first place :) I have a far better quality of life in sobriety than I ever had before it......a year ago, I couldn't imagine life without booze and now I feel like a totally different woman. There is a way out, I promise.

Best wishes

I know this a few months old, but this has helped me - thank you! I hope you are all doing well