so emotional and down i was going to get drunk today

[lazyminimoo]

iv not drank for nearly 9 months , i had not drank before that last time for nearly a year , but it has not been easy, i suppose i must definetly be an alcoholic, i didnt badly want to drink today but i suppose i had been thinking about it and sort of wanting it for many weeks i had kept a small bottle of wine in the wardrobe incase i ever felt like it,,, but the thought still scared me a little , i dont think i would like the taste at all i dont like wine,,, but i used to drink cider very fast or beer and after awhile could drink anything,

i just stopped drinking after many years of binging most days really, i see my life is feeling so crap today that i just didnt care anymore if i go back to the alcoholic life i was leading

i only keep off it as i dont want the guilt the shame of being a bad mum and my sons dad would not be in a room with me if i even had a sip ever, he would not be happy and i rely on him a lot i couldnt live with my son if my partner left as i cant just cant be a good mum i cant cope and i would feel awkward living with just my son

i am very very shy and socially anxious but havent asked for help i feel i cant i have tried in the past

my life feels ust sad to me i am soo sad and now im so badly wanting to drink again just to escape

iv not drank for awhile though so i dont know if the doctor wouldhelp about my alcohol cravings as im not currently drinking

i am a mess i do nothing most days dont work rely on partner and do nothing i am so lazy only do some washing up an make dinner is mostly all i do i never want to do more

i see no friends im too sacred to meet up i feel to down i am to scared to even try to act happy because i feel my depression is obvious

i just cant take it anymore i feel like ending it as i cant drink to block it out now i havbe a son as i would feel to guilty for running of to be a drunk like i used to be

just so down i worry the doctor wouldnt help anyway i feel its just overwhelming for me to try explain in a 5 min session with a doctor but i feel like i would rather die then live like this anymore

im scared to get help though im not sure why im just so wakward and shy of people i would rather be sectioned forever then live like this i feel as i just cant take it but its nothing to take its a easy life i have but i cant take my feelings and i dont know if this is all because of alcoholism maybe thats why im so down because i was going to drink but managed to stop myself but i wished i had of drank after

Well done for not drinking today. If you need someone to talk to then AA have a 24hr helpline which you can call 0845 7697 555. The person on the other end of the phone will be someone who is a recovering alcoholic themselves and will understand what you are going through.

Well done on not drinking! I have no useful advice, but it is late and you need support. You have done amazingly well to get as far as you have with no support from your gp or a support group.
Your GP can and will take you seriously- write down what you want to say if you think you will bottle out- show her this post.

Call the samaratains if you feel really low- they can put you in touch with help. There will be a support group for alcoholics in your area- you should go. They will all understand. I have a relative who is an alcoholic and I would be so proud of them for getting as far as you have.

Huge well done for not drinking for 9 months and getting sober by yourself, massive achievement.

I really identify with the social anxiety. I think a lot of people who "like a drink" would. Drink masks emotions but once you stop and feel your emotions, it's overwhelming. I stopped drinking last September. I feel huge regret that I've spent so much of my life wallowing in a cycle of depression / drinking / overeating. I also felt that drinking was one the one thing I was really good at (cringe to admit that!) and just miss it as a social touchstone. Getting sober has made me realise how bad I am with food as well.

Maybe try going to an AA meeting, just to feel less isolated. The only rule for membership of AA is a desire to stop drinking. The meetings certainly made me feel more hopeful but I have drifted away from them, recently. I was going to one in the morning and it certainly meant I wasn't going to drink that day. Some of the horror stories made me feel incredibly grateful for what I do have. I did baulk at the steps though as would find it hard to open up to anyone.

I do think most people who have problems with alcohol are self-medicating for things like the anxiety you describe.

I think you should try & pluck up the courage to go to the gp & get help with your anxiety- counselling and/or medication.

I really feel for you.

Hi Lazyminimoo

I can totally relate to what you're saying. I became agoraphobic in the end, and just wasn't functioning at all. I was suicidal, and at the end of my rope with it all.
I eventually made it to an AA meeting, got a sponsor and I work the steps, and I haven't looked back since.
I can go anywhere, my social anxiety is vastly improved, to the point where I start a little voluntary job on monday....and I'm actively seeking paid work too.
When I just stopped drinking, it was hell on earth. I felt even more miserable and worthless.
I was absolutely petrified at my first AA meeting, but I had no need to be. Most, if not all, understand the place where you are at right now, and we all know how scary that first meeting is.
Someone earlier posted the helpline number. In my area at least, a 12th stepper will usually accompany you to a first meeting if you feel that would help.
The help is there, you just have to reach out and take it.
Best wishes x