The right choice?

[oinker]

We are approved adopters. We think we have found our little girl. How do you know it's right. Everything has been so clinical,checking out medicals, pics and reading her CPR. We are meeting with the social worker on Friday. we have not told him that we have possibly decided. He knows we are siding with the girl. He wants to advise us on another possible match, a boy. He culturally matches us. How can we discount him without hearing about him. We need to give him a chance too, don't we? Then how do we choose? Help.... Any advice or expereince....

i think you need to look at it as what is right for the child not what is right for you, are you the right parents for that child? you seem to want a little girl and if you do end up getting a little boy will you later wish you had a little girl? try not to get too emotionally involved when deciding WHICH child - you need to use your head for most of it otherwise you will want to adopt every child that comes along

You are right.

It is so very hard to have this kind of choice. It feels wrong to be choosing one child, and rejecting another, doesn't it? And of course you never get sufficient information to make a really good choice, so it feels like you're making the most important decision of your life, and on really incomplete evidence.

I think you need to allow yourself to be as hard-headed as you can, and make the choice that you think will work for your family. We actually turned down one little girl we were offered, and have now been matched with another. We'll never know if we did the right thing there, but I do feel - and our social worker kept saying - that you need to enter matching feeling positive, not that you felt too guilty to turn your back on a child who needs a family. In the end, a lot of our decision was based on instinct. We can't know we've done the right thing (yet). It is absolutely terrifying - but at some point you have to be ready for that leap of faith.

hmm, i think that you do need to consider what is right for you as well as what is right for the child....