I am a birth mother and

[DifferentIDforThis]

tomorrow my daughter will be 19.

I got pregnant as a result of a one night stand and didnt realise I was pregnant until 20 weeks.

I knew I couldnt give her the life she deserved and that I wanted her to have a daddy.

So I put her up for adoption and never saw her again after I left the hospital.

On the 1st May I always think of her and wonder how she is doing and if she is happy.

Thank you.

Have three DCs now, and they don't know. DH does, it is not a secret amongst family though they are all aware that my DCs don't know.

Might try and find some time to go and have an hour to myself with a book.

What a lovely date to bring a baby into the world...

Bet she's lovely - just like your other 3.

DifferentIDforThis Will be thinking of you. I think it is very brave to be able to think of your daughter?s needs and give her for adoption. I really hope you will find some time for yourself.

My DH and I are going to explore adoption and I really always feel it is best if people can find their birth parents, if appropriate for them, at some point when they are older. So I echo maryz thoughts about registering if you wish to (but no idea how that is done).

I'd also echo her thoughts on telling your children. Recently, we had unsuccessful IVF with donor eggs and we would have been ready to tell any child and our existing dd about the donor because I think it is so much easier for children to cope with this kind of information when they are small. I think to find out when they are older is harder and as adults it must be very hard. But I have no experience personally so no desire to tell you what you should do!

Thank you for sharing your story, God Bless.

Hi

I have personal experience of this. I was adopted in 1960, when it was a bit shameful to have babies out of marriage. I started looking for my mum when my adoptive mum died in 1986 (I was 27) and found her 11 years ago, complete with 6 brothers and sisters. Your daughter may want to find you, she may not because unless she knows all the facts, her mind will cover every scenario you can think of! All the whys, hows and what ifs. There is a way you can register through Norcap to say that if she wants to find you she can trace you. They help with initial contyact etc and you may find that she just wants to see what you look like. I know nowadays that babies who are adopted can have much more info with them, I don't know if you gave any info out but perhaps write her a letter, telling her what happened. If she wants to contact you then she can, but the letter might be enough to stop her spending her life just wondering.

I have been lucky enough to have two wonderful "mums" in my life, although my natural mum is always very careful to say that my adoptive mum was my "real" mum. The occaion when my natural mum and my adoptive dad met was probably one of the most touching things I've ever seen, it still makes me cry now! She thanked him for taking such good care of me and he thanked her for giving me up, as I was their only hope of having children.

Have a lovely day thinking about your daughter, you made a very hard decision and I'm sure you're a wonderful mum to the other dcs!

I remember going to hospital to collect a new baby that birth mum was placing for adoption many years ago.

I sat and talked to this mum for a while as she dressed her baby with clothes she had bought and brushed her tufty hair with a tiny brush as she described how baby liked to be held for winding and how she loved to mouth her face as though searching for a kiss.

I carried that baby to the social workers car and once inside I broke down and wept for this poor selfless woman who I am sure was breaking her heart in the hospital.

I passed a few photo's of lo, through social services to the mum and have, to this day, still got the lovely thank you card she sent me.

I will think of you today DifferentID and wish you peace.

I think you did avery brave thing and i hope you haven't namechanged on here for fear that WE will judge you, I certainly won't.

Hope you have a peaceful day today x

I am a name changer and a regular poster. I know a couple of people in RL and I am not sure I want them to know this about me just yet. I don't know why.

Thank you ladies of all your kind words. I am up early because I couldn't sleep.

All of your words are hugely comforting and thank you for your sharing your own experiences of adoption.

I did write a letter to my daughter when she was born, explaining why I was doing this, how she was not a secret and would always be loved. I also gave her all the medical info I could think of. I included photos, my life story, and a teddy.

I did meet the couple who adopted her and they were lovely. THey had been trying unsuccesssfully for 12 years to have a baby and for no explained reason, could not conceive.

My only stipulation was that my daughter always knew she was adopted, I didn't want her to find out later in life.

I think I will register with Norcap.

My DCs are old enough now to understand I am sure. I didn't tell them when they were little in case they had feelings of "mummy will give me away if I am naughty". Maybe now is the time to tell them.

Thank you for all your thoughts ladies. It's going to be a tough day emotionally but I am taking the DCs into London for the day to try and do something positive.

I can't imagine how you are feeling but I think you sound loving, caring and amazingly strong.

I hope you and the DC's have a lovely day

Am thinking of you and your daughter today.

Thinking of you and your little May belle. x

Have a great day!

(Not adopted myself but grew up with a younger brother we adopted at 10 weeks - it really was a blessing)

What a brave woman you are.
I'll be thinking of you and your daughter today.

I often think of DS's birth mother and if I'm honest I always think of her as his mother; "birth" mother always feels so dismissive of her part in making him - in addition to giving birth to him, she kept him safe until he was born and passed on all his genes from her and her family and his father and his fathers family. I have no doubts whatsoever that at least half of what DS is comes fom both birth parents.

I invariably cry on his birthday when I think of how lovely he is and how much I would love to share this with her, I sometimes imagine that she is the only other person on the earth who would feel as much awe as I do about how lovely he is. I have no valid information and so I can never get in contact with her but I like to believe that she must be a lovely person to have produce such a lovely boy.

I hope that I can make my DS as happy with his life as it is possible for him to be, as I feel a strong responsibility to treat this gift she gave me with the greatest of care. I have no idea yet whether I'm up to the task but I will do my best!

It's hard for me to know that I found such great joy at the expense of someones real pain but I hope that you can take some comfort form the knowledge that the vast majoirty (in fact all I have ever met) of adoptive parents love their DC's fiercely and infinitely.