I would like to adopt, how does it work?

[darcymum]

From what I can tell lots of different agencies organize adoptions, Do you have to apply to all of them? If one turns you down do you move on to the others? What about fostering and then adopting?

I have three DC's already ages 4, 3, and 1. I have heard adoption takes many years so I don't think the fact they are all so young is a problem, or is it?

One concern I have is, as much as I would love another child, I might be taking one from a childless couple. What about international adoptions, would that 'solve' that issue?

Don't know how to start. Over to you worldly wise MN.

my friend is currently going through the adopion process. she started it in the middle of last year i think. she registered with "be my parent". she had to attend a three day course in November and has had to make a book with photos in about her and her husband and other family members which will be shown to her adoptive child. she also had to write lots of "documents" about why she thought her husband would make a good dad and vice versa, she also had to write about a typical weekend, a typical day at work etc. there is a lot of paper work involved. she had picked a child but told she could have her because she wasnt far enough along the process. they have told her her case will go to the panel in about May time and if all goes well she should have a child a few months after that. a social worker has visited her at home on about five or six times and she has had to fil in a lengthy questionnaire. that's all i know but hope this helps a little

Hello,

You have to choose who you want to adopt with. You need to research the agencies in your area and your local social services.

You ring to express and interest and they will send you an information pack.

Yes it does take a long time but I think you may find you are asked to call back in a year or so because your youngest is only 1.

If you are accepted to be assessed you will need to go on a preparation course which can take place on weekdays, weekends, evenings or a combination (so can be tricky for childcare).

You will have to undergo a home study which means being visited by a social worker who will fill in a very long form (more like a book).

This can take many months to complete and you will have homework to do.

You will also need references and police checks.

The process is very invasive and you will be asked about every aspect of your relationship, parenting, childhood, health etc etc.

The issue of taking a child from a childless couple? Adoption is about finding the right family for a child not the other way round. This means that if a child needs to be placed with a family with children they will be.

I am not sure what you mean about adopting abroad to solve the issue.

Best place to start is buy phoning round and having a chat with various agencies.

Good luck.

What makes you want to adopt darcy?.
SS usually want at least 2 years between adopted child and your youngest. So they may ask you to wait 12 months before starting the process.
We adopted dd from fostering her. Each child will have a profile of the type of family that is needed for them. DDs profile said as she was such a social child she should go to a busy family with other children which along with other things described us. So don't worry about taking a child from someone who is childless as they all have differant needs.
There is a system called concurrant planning where you foster a child with a view to adopting if and when the child is free for adoption. Problem there is you are likely to get very attached to the child and there is a chance the child would not be placed for adoption which would be heartbreaking for you.
Call SS and they will be able to advise you on the best route to take.

Thanks for the answers.

dolphin, "DDs profile said as she was such a social child she should go to a busy family with other children which along with other things described us".

That is very encouraging and stops me feeling so guilty about wanting one of the small number of children available when I already have three and others have none.

"There is a system called concurrant planning where you foster a child with a view to adopting if and when the child is free for adoption". This sounds like something to look into although I imagine it is very hard to give the child back.

The reason I want to adopt is just simply the fact that I would like another child. I would like them to be close in age to my other children because my dearest wish for my children is that they are close as adults and I think being close in age helps them be close as children.

Yes I imagine if you take a child thinking you are going to adopt then have to return it that would be heartbreaking.
Please let us know how you get on.
Good luck.

If you can talk to kewcumber she knows loads about overseas adoption she will heip you with that one.

darcymum
I really don't want to be rude, but your reason for wanting to adopt isn't very clear. You want another child - can you not have any more birth children? I'm not saying you should choose to have a birth child over adopting, but you need to think of a stronger reason than just wanting another child, IMO. They will ask you why you don't want to have another BC.
Also - you will probably not get a child who is close in age to your youngest, if by close in age you mean 3 years or less. You will be limiting yourself too much if you are too specific about the age of the child you want to adopt. Thirdly, being close in age does not mean they will be close as adults. (It doesn't mean they won't but it's no guarantee they will)Your DCs may struggle with an adopted child, you have to be realistic. You must be careful not to put too many expectations on an adopted child and how they 'will be'.

Anyway, I wish you luck with it!

The reasons for not having another biological child are that I think I am too old (40) and just scraped in under the wire with my own. Also I think the planet is over populated so even if I didn't think I was too old I would rather have a child already here than add another.

I know that I have no guarantee of my children being close as adults but rightly or wrongly I think it helps if they are close in age. I would much rather any adopted child also be close in age as I wouldn't want them 'left out' of the childrens' games etc.

As for my reason for wanting another child I can't really be very clear about that other than to say I just really want one. Its another child to cuddle, tuck up in bed, throw food at me and give me a slap if I displease them in any way (as my one year old does) although my older two don't hit me any more. I know my reason must sound all about what a child can do for me and my family and nothing about what I can do for them. I just don't go along with the idea that I can 'help' a poor unloved child I think they give us much more than we can ever give them.

I also realise that an adopted child is likely to have had a very difficult background and this may result in very difficult behaviour.