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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

Foster Care Adoption

19 replies

CheerfulYank · 10/03/2010 16:02

DH and I are going next Wednesday to an orientation, which is required in our state. Then we'll set up a home study. I'm so excited, I've been wanting to adopt from the system for so long!

Does anyone have any experience with this? I know since I'm in America it's probably different, but just wanted to know other people's stories.

OP posts:

dolphin13 · 10/03/2010 17:03

Don't know how differant the system is in states. We fostered our dd from 3 days old before adopting her when she was 2. It wasn't our intention to adopt we have fostered lots of babies in the past before moving them on for adoption. She was just made for our family and we all fell in love with her. We went through assessment to become fc then we had to go through the same adoption process and assessments as anyone else. You can foster with a specific view to adopting in the UK but at the moment it seems to be a little used system. Did you want to know anything specific?.
Good luck let us now how it goes.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 10/03/2010 17:12

No, nothing specific, just wanted to share. We are doing it with the intention to adopt. I wish we could take an older child but DS is nearly three so we are thinking we'll look for someone (or someones, we're open to a sibling group) younger than that.

OP posts:

hester · 10/03/2010 21:15

Hi CheerfulYank, I'm an approved adopter in the UK. I'd love to hear more about the US system, so please do tell us what happens at the orientation.

KristinaM · 10/03/2010 22:38

hi cheerful

have you chosen an agency to do your home study?

I thought it was still difficult to adopt a young child from within the state system in the US? Although we have relations who have adopted two African American children from foster care ( the parenst are a white American and Chinese couple) and they are wonderful kids

I would recommmend that you join a local chapter of an organisation for adoptive parenst. Online groups and discussion boards are great but no substitute for meeting other adoptive families in RL

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 11/03/2010 15:58

Thanks for the advice-yes, I'm in contact with a few families who have adopted this way. One couple got a newborn, the other a five and two year old. I also know of a few couples who adopted older children.

If you don't care about race or gender (and of course we don't) and are open to disabilities (right now I don't think we could parent a child with severe disabilities but moderate or mild ones are on the table)I think it will go fairly quickly.

I feel very sad because there are 650 children waiting just in Minnesota right now, but I just don't know that I'm up for parenting an older child while DS is still so young. But you never know!

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KristinaM · 11/03/2010 18:47

hey i didnt know you were in minnesota! Do you know these guys? You have some of the best services in the country on your doorstep! ( ok i know, its a big state!!!)

Nymphadora · 11/03/2010 19:19

Is your system the one where you foster a child whilst assessments are done on birth families then if they aren't going home you adopt them?

I know some US states do that

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 13/03/2010 01:20

We can do that Nymphadora or we can choose to foster children who are already legally free for adoption. I think we'll go with the "already free" children because I don't think I could stand for them to be taken away from me.

Yes, Kristina, we're pretty close to the U of M! We do have lots of good services in our state.

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Nymphadora · 13/03/2010 08:35

I found that scheme v interesting as it works on the assumption that adults will manage the loss better than children changing ofster placements constanly which is what happens here.

KristinaM · 13/03/2010 18:46

there are a few agencies in the Uk which do that eg Coram - they call it concurrent planning

Nymphadora · 14/03/2010 08:38

My LA had a 'fact finding'trip to the US a while ago to look at it but never heard any results

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 16/03/2010 15:25

Just trying to keep this bumped until after tomorrow so I can fill you in on the orientation.

There is a website devoted to hard-to-place children, and there's an adorable little boy that I am completely drawn to. Only a year old or so, just the sweetest thing. He's paralyzed though to what extent I don't know. I'm slllooowly bringing DH round to the idea.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 17/03/2010 21:23

Kris - I still believe that Dana Johnson was the reason I went ahead with DS's adoption despite the UK health professionals shrieking in horror!

KristinaM · 18/03/2010 14:34

good for Dana. I would guess that he has seen more pre adoption medical reports than all the HCP in the UK put together

He really knows what he is talking about, both professionally and personally - he and his Dw adopted a "high risk" child

KristinaM · 18/03/2010 14:36

Op - its Thursday here - where is our update please?

Kewcumber · 18/03/2010 14:42

I think the fact that his "day job" is neo-natal care meant he was way ahead on assessing the relative risks of DS's prematurity too. He was fab - actually called me in Kazakhstan when I sent him a rather panicky email. He was realistic about the risks and I knew they were risks I was prepared to take vs the "he'll be a vegetable" type comments coming from the UK. As it transpired that comment (via my sister) came from a Cardiologist who had probably never met either an "institutional" child or a baby that premmie before.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 18/03/2010 15:01

I had to wait until work-we don't have internet at our house; some evenings I go through serious mumsnet withdrawl!

Ok- this is the situation I think. DH and I attended the (mandatory) orientation yesterday. There were quite a lot of people, which I thought was good to see. It was two hours long, and they filled us in on the basic qualifications, what behaviors to expect from the children, etc.

We have paperwork to fill out, and we will need to have background studies/criminal checks done for every adult in the house; we will also be fingerprinted and have a print scan done.

Then they will come for "home visits" where they will meet with each person over the age of 7 in our home individually and interview them.

Then will be the big "home study." Also b/c our home was built before '78 we will have to have a fire marshal inspection.

Then when we're approved, they will begin matching us to children!

There are different types of care we can do, will type more later!

OP posts:

KristinaM · 18/03/2010 15:48

that all sounds very positive, cheerfulyank

remember to ask them (at some stage) what kind of support they will offer you

Italiangreyhound · 01/05/2010 18:55

I know this is an old thread but things are vaguley relevant to me so I am replying in the hope someone will spot it who contributed! I do hope that is OK.

This was very interesting to read Cheerfulyank we are very much on the sidelines looking in at the moment! Helpful to know. Weird too as many homes in UK built before '78 so wonder if UK has an rules about this (our house is older than me and I am guessing many UK ones are!).

KristinaM* on another thread, under writing a card to couple who had had a child placed for adoption, you said something about attachment parenting. I know a bit about it from my own earlier days with my birth daughter but I wondered if you could point me in any useful direction, please, for this in relation to adoption? Thanks.

Sorry to but in!

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