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I have no experience of adoption and am sure that there are others with far more knowledge/experience that can give you better advice re who to speak to, what support to seek etc. I will just say this though:
All parents go through a stage when they do not enjoy parenting their children. It's not a fault - it shows that we are all human beings who occasionally wish things were different. The difference though between biological parents and newly adoptive parents is that when you give birth to a child, nurture it and bring it up from a tiny baby, you have good moments to look back on when the bad times get too bad, and they serve as a reminder as to why you keep on doing this. But you've only just started out your parenting journey, and right now all you have to go on is the tiring stage, the constant demands, the not knowing what you're doing wrong or where you go from here. It's IMO not unlike giving birth to a baby which screams and screams and screams for the first several weeks of its life with no let-up, and whose mummy wonders if she's done the right thing and doesn't know how to make it stop. But the difference here is that you've essentially given birth to a two year old who can not only shout and scream but can run as well. Unlike a newborn, you can't put him in his cot and walk away for a break, or give him a dummy.
I agree that children need boundaries, but I would also say try and find something about him, or the things he does that you like. Try and look for one positive thing that has happened in every day, and then build on that. As parents we are often all guilty of looking at the negatives. In fact i remember a friend saying once "x could do ten good things, and then he could do one bad thing, and that's what I'd remember." So ? think about it. What does he do that makes you go ?aaaw.?? What behaviour, what querk, does he have that you find cute, endearing? When he?s enjoying something how does he react?
Could you start with mealtimes? Aside from wanting ketchup, how is his eating? If you just gave him the ketchup would e sit nicely and eat? If so perhaps you could build on that. Ketchup is the least of your worries tbh and I would pick your battles on that score and just let it go if it makes for quieter and more productive mealtimes
It is going to be hard. He doesn?t know you and you don?t know him. He?s been passed around for the past two years, he has no reason to believe that this is where he?s going to be staying for the rest of his life. Tbh any two year old was going to be hard, because any two year old placed for adoption is going to hve underlying emotional difficulties, and on the whole, two year olds are not placid little things that will happily sit and watch cbeebies for hours or do puzzles for hours ? they have little attention span and it is our job as parents to build on that.
Talk to your social worker, that?s what they?re there for, and they don?t want this adoption to break down, and neither do you realistically do you? You haven?t gone through the last several years of home checks and intrusion into your life just to give up on it in a matter of weeks.
Persivere, and in time things will work out. It was never going to be how you?d imagined ? parenting never is, not even when the child is biologically yours.
Good luck and keep us posted x