i need your help with some nice words.

[morethanyoubargainfor]

We have a couple who have been approved as being adoptive parents for 5 years, after much heartache and alot of time they finally have a match and it has all gone through and the little one will be moving in in 6 weeks.

We are going to see them tommorrow and i would really like to give them a card to say congratulations and if you need anything we are here for you. what do i write? i am rubbish with words, i have also got the champers on ice!

They are friends but not 'close' IYKWIM my DH has known her all his life (friend of his sister) but we do see them fairly frequently and get on so well.

We are so pleased for them.

dear thing1 and thing2 - congratulations ! We're so thrilled to hear about [name of small person], your patience has paid off ! He/she is so lucky to be getting such lovely people as his/her new parents - can't wait to meet him/her.
lots of love or best wishes or whatever you'd usually write to them,
from us
xxx

hth

Whats wrong with what you said?!

"Congratulations and if you need anything we are here for you"

Sorry tomps but I hated the "they (ie the child) are so lucky to have you" comments. I felt lucky, DS was in a sad situation and really on reflection not at all lucky.

I was adopted and I've always felt I was lucky to have been adopted into a family where I was very much wanted. But you would have more insight into the feelings of adoptive parents and that's who "morethan.." is writing to, so I would take your advice.

I think its a different thing tomps - how you feel is one thing but as a parent I hate the the thought that people expect DS to be grateful. It makes me wince - the truth is that I am incredibly lucky.

you sound lovely and very sensitive to their feelings

i agree with kew, what you said on your op is fine

i woudln't mention about " can't wait to meet them" because the usual practice is to restrict the number of visitors at first, so you may not see the baby/child for a few months

this is because of the loss and trauma the child will have suffered

also best not to ask anything about the child's "background" as they will have been advised not to tell anyone except on a need to know basis.

when you do meet the baby/child, please don't expect to hold or cuddle them, as you might with a newborn. they need to get all their cuddles and care from mum and dad, until they are securely attached

sorry if this sounds negative. its easy to just do what you would normally do if they had given birth, but soemtimes adopted children need extra special care

HTH

that doesn't sound negative at all, an d we understand all that as we foster, so similar procedures etc.

Gave them the card and champers today and they burst into tears! not quite the affect i was hoping to have but they assure me it was tears of happiness so thats ok.

The child is 6 and we have seen a photo today fo rthe first time. I just hope everything goes ok for them from here on in.

I'm glad they were so pleased

How hard for them to have waited FIVE YEARS after approval, they must be over the moon but very anxious/nervous.

If you are FCs, i don't to tell you how hard it is to settle a 6yo in a permanent placement.If you feel up to it, possibly the best support you can offer is a listening ear, at the end of a telephone if neccesary.

Like you, I wish them all the best and hope it works out

Please PLEASE encourage them to practice attachment parenting from the start, as their DS/DD will have been through a lot and will definitely have attachment/loss/trauma issues. Have they joined Adoption UK?

LittlePuska swallows big lump in throat and stretches eyes wide to keep in the teariness!

You lot are so lovely!!

LP gos back to lurking about the topic....