Thinking of adopting - advice?

[mum2twoboyz]

Hi all
Well, we have applied to adopt, so at the very very start of the process. We have 2 boys, 6 and nearly 4 (4yr has asd) and would love a lil girl, and know we must have a 2 yr gap between adopted and birth children - which isnt a prob.
We have had sum1 from the agency phone to clarify a few details, and he said that ds having asd wudnt be a prob, and also didnt say that specifying a gender wud be a prob...

guess what im wondering is, a) is it gonna take longer because we are specifying a gender, and do u really feel that ds2 having asd is gonna cause probs down the route?? i guess i dont want to start this, and find that its gonna take many yrs to match, or that ds is gonna prove a stumbling block.... i dont feel we have yrs to wait in this process, but also know its not a 5 minute process, expecting that this time next yr we will be at the end, and just waiting a match....

so - how hard is it going it be, and are my expectations realistic??

and no - its not the case of just wanting a girl so adopting, both boys pgys were high risk, and to try again wud be detrimental to my health, and also put baby at risk. have also had 2mc and am not getting younger (36) so everything is against me - i guess i dont 'do' pgy very well at all, which does make me sad....

thanks in advance
nikki

don't feel too sad - you may not do pregnancy very well but some of us don;t do it at all!

As regards time frames which is all I can comment on... LA's are supposed to complete a panel decision within 12 months of application being accepted, but some authorities won;t "accept" an application until they ahve a social worker available which can delay things. After you have been aprroved to need to wait for a match. The fact you are ruling out 50% (roughly) of possible matches must surely (I would have thought) slow things down (unless you're lucky. A match can take from a few weeks (rare) to a few years. A girl under three I would guess is a scarcer beast than if you hadn't specified anything

Most people I know work on a rule of thumb of 3 years from submitting an apllication to bringing a child home.

NOt sure about the ASD issue - ASD is such a huge spectrum it depends on where on the scale he is and to what degree you can free up the time you would need to spend on the new child. Its not like having a 2 year old - its mor like having a new bron (in terms of attention needed).

Good luck

I think the agency would want to discuss in depth your reasons for wanting to adopt and also the reason for wanting a specific gender. It may take longer if you are waiting for the 'right' child but the agency will have legal timelines to follow.

hi nikki

IMO i think you may find it difficult to get matched with a child, unless you are a black or mixed heritage family or you can parent another child with special needs.

if you are a white family, there are always many other families who will be competing with you to adopt a young girl. placing social workers will tend to opt for families who can give more time and attention than you can, either because they have no other children or their children are older and are all NT

sorry, i'm sure thats not what you wanted to hear