Where to start....hmmm...

[mumblecrumble]

Have always considered adopting kids as 'normal' [not really sure on this wording] as making babies and DH seems to feel the same.

DH had mumps just as we were married and his nads seemed knackered...Doctors suggested we were infertile and so we looked into fostering and adoption a bit..

Came off contraception just to see.... and BANG...pregnant without even menstruating...

DD now 21 months and we';re graaadually thinking about expanding the family... This issue of adoption seems trickier with having are own. Is it?

I mean besided the usually barriers [do we earn enough, is our house big enough, am I too fat....?] I now am thinking how new kid will feel and would they compare themselves to made kid. SUspect dd [even though she is young] would have same issues as if there was a new homemande baby]. How would grandparents react...

ANy thoughts? Part of me imagines having a big family of all shapes, genetics and origina.... the other now feels a bit stumped.

Also. I;m part time and DH works shifts. Would this need to change to impress an adotion agency?

Thanks so much for reading, appreciate your replies

DH and I were discussing this earlier - adoption is slightly trickier having biological children, but your social worker will need to assess what the impact of an additional child(ren) will be on your dd.

It is probable that you would have to wait until your dd is older as they wouldn't place a child who was older than your dd.

Your partners shifts would be looked at, but they would want to know how you would be supported as a new parent and that you would have adequate support. You are also entitled to adoption leave and they would want to know whether you would be intending to return to work although it wouldn't be a deal breaker if you were returning to work - they would just want to know that you had looked at all of your options.

Really..? Didn;t know they won't place child older than dd. How come?

SHifts work out well as it means dd is with parent more than child care....

It upsets the natural family order - your biological child is used to being an only, so the natural progression is for them to be an older sibling.

Yes, that makes it seem a little less tricky somehow... Thanks##ANything else I should think about>?

hi mumble, just be prepared for a bumpy fide.you have a medical, they look into your finances, your childhood, support system.its very intrusive and drawn out. we are on our third home study and would definatley not be doing this if we didnt have to.
you would probably have to wait until your child was at least 3 or 4 yeaqrs before yopu could start and then it could take up to 2 years or more to get passed.
you could get a baby, very rarely under a year ,unless you do concurrent planning.but healthy white babies are few and far between. there are loads of kids 3 years and above and sibling groups but then you would have to wait longer as theres a min 3 year gap required.
if you can have your own i would.

Adoption is a wonderful thing but it IS really hard going.

Its sounds so negative but I do get what hifi means when she says 'if you can have your own'....

I will take over your life and is very stressful. If you are approved you will have a child with a past and that past will almost definately be very traumatic. You will be dealing with that traumatic past for the rest of your lives.

Not all adopted kids are terribly damaged and past help (although it seems that way according to the Daily Mail} but they HAVE all suffered trauma even if its 'only' separation from their birth mother.

I would not tell you to forget it altogether though.I would say find out about it. Talk to your local adoption team or independant adoption agency.

I have an adopted DS and he is wonderful, really lovely. I wouldnt have adopted (would not have been approved in the normal way) but he is a family member's birth child and we wanted to stop him going into care. I would do it again if the same thing happend (always a possibilty) but TBH my heart would sink if we got THAT phone call again. The process almost sent me demented and my little man has quite a few issues.

Best of luck

"If you can have your own I would"

WOw, noones ever said that to me before. Or that there is a three minimum gap.

Understand, well at least asmuch as we can, about the massiveness of it. Hence the mega thinking despite it being long into future.

chegirl. Do you mind me asking why you wouldn;t have been approved? Mainly becasue of my own insecurities.

I don;t honestly think we are strong enough to go through the process..... but yet feel strongly to do what can with it.

Something else we had thought about[when dd seemed impossible] was fostering..... Not cos its easier but that it may suit us more. There was a scheme near us that did respite during school/xmas holidays..... any thoughts?

Both dh and i work with young people, me in difficult school/college and DH with teenaged homeless people so are keen to not do the 'white baby' scenario.....

Are we just being too naive?

My DH have talked about adoption and my MIL's face was a picture when we told her.

Just a thought on how some grandparents can be.

My parents have found it hard to accept, but DH's have been wonderful - just as some people would never adopt and for others its no big deal.

My parents are getting used to it now but to begin with they really struggled with the fact we were unable to have birth children and they also had some significant prejudices to overcome.

Hope you can amke the right decision for your family unit.

MBop

Hi, We would not have been approved because [mainly] we did not have the room and our income would not have allowed for me to give up work. You dont always have to give up work but you will almost certainly be expected to take at least 6 mths off. It is possible one of you would be required to take extended leave, depending on the age of the child.

Nothing sinister really. I think as people we would have stood a chance, particularly as we would have no problems adopting a disabled child and we are a mixed race family.

OH has MS so that definately would have been a barrier (though not always a bar).

It is possible that we will end up with more than one adopted child, depending on what happens with birth mum. She is manageing with her 2nd child at the moment but who knows what will happen in the future? I am hoping that things will be less stressful as I know a hell of a lot more than I did

I believe very strongly in adoption is a good thing if there is no possiblity of child staying with birth family. But the image of adoption still seems stuck in the 50's and its nothing like that anymore.

I wouldnt want to put anyone off but I would always be honest when asked