Honest opinions please.

[maggie61]

I am 44 , dh is 54, ds 14 (birth child), dd 6 (adopted). dh is retiring next year but will do some shifts as required at hospital, I will be increasing my hours to work 4 shifts a week.
I would like to adopt again ,in about 2 years, would like a school age child and would consider various needs and health issues.
We will need to move house as only 3 bedrooms at present and no way to extend, but we have considered moving before. DH is in total shock , but I think he will come round to the idea, especially when he finishes work.
I feel like we can do this, ds will be content with his mates and out of family lifestyle, dd loves other childrens company and i feel she would love a younger sibling, I feel i have more love to give and feel my family would become complete.
Please tell me your thoughts on my long term plan,thanks.

I think it sounds fantastic - good on you.

Thank you.

Maggie- I applaud you for your clear and wonderful desire to welcome another child into your family...but I am worried about your husband. Frankly, he is retiring next year, albeit early, but this is usually a time when people feel that they have a bit more leisure time, or at least can make more choices about what they do with their time as they are not 'tied' to work.

I presume as you will be working more shifts he will be more responsible for childcare.

Also, a child with special needs will take a huge commitment, plus there is the actual upheaval required in your own family circumstances to accomodate this change...

Its a really difficult one...what has inspired you to propose this ?

I think that we have a place in the family for one more and knowing that there are children that may grow up without having someone to call mum and dad.It will give dd some company as we already end up leaving ds at home on his ps3 and us off to the park, as it is impossible to enertain a 14 and 6 year olds together, so a youger child would fit in .
I appreciate what you say about dh, unless he comes out and feels he wants the same, I would not push it any further. But I think once he spends more time at home he may feel the same as me.I think 55/56 is still young enough to parent, and we have so much experience to help us.
Thank you for you post.

I agree 55/56 is not too old to be a parent...and I can see that you really want this, but yes, you do need to take into consideration your husband's wishes too...but let's hope he feels the same as you do. Good luck with this...

TBH i think that at 46 and 56 you are unlikely to get a child under school age. and you need a child under 6 as your Dd will only be 8

a child placed may not be a suitable playmate for your dd anyway. many older children in care have been neglected or abused and have behavioural issues. they will all have special needs of one sort or another

and i agree with MM&M - while 56 is not too old to parent, it soudns like your Dh is not too keen and he woudl be teh main carer

if you feel you have more love to give, why don't you consider fostering? you could just do respite and work it around your shifts.

i knwo a couple in their 60s who do regular respite for children who are with permanent foster families. they have several children (individually) one weekend a month and for a week of the school holidays

Thank you KristinaM, are you a social worker ? I probably do have my head in cuckoo land regarding the child we could have. There are so many children i just thought there might be the right match, dd will be 7 in september, so possibly nearer to 9 if we adopted, meaning a child of 5/6 years. Yes i appreciate the problems the they may have but i kind of hoped with permanent parents we could work through them to some extent.
I am leaving the idea with dh for now, i don,t expect him to feel positive about the idea until he finishes work.I am hoping with more time on his hands he will see my point of view. thanks once again.

hi maggie, no i am not a sw

all adoption agencies have their own requirements but i know of none in the uk that will place out of birth order. unless its a relative of course

all also require a reasonable age gap, unless its bio siblings. two to three years is normal

its for the safety of your existing children as well as to ensure that you have enough time and energy to meet the needs of any child placed.

that might be more of an issue as you will be working nights and the child will be at school during the day

but don't let this put you off making enquiries. there are many waiting children of school age, espcially if you could consider parenting a child with additional support needs

good luck

Yes i do understand the birth order and the reasoning behind it,and i would definitely consider a child with additional needs, i think dd may even cope better with a child like that, her best friend at school is a boy from year 5 who spends alot of his lessons in year 1 (dd,s class),due to development delay.
I selfishly feel my life is lacking at the moment and feel against all odds this could work, in a way wish i did nt , maybe its a pre menopausal thing!!!