Single mom with 3 year old birth child - wasting my time?

[missyoung]

Hello ladies.

I've been reading through these posts, and I'm a bit worried I'm wasting my time trying to get through the adoption process.

I have a 3 and a half year old daughter, and I know there needs to be a 2 year gap. However, by the time I was approved (I'm basing it in being 18 months when it could of course be longer) she will be at full time school in Reception.

I've read about how as I already have a birth child, I won't be a priority - but isn't adoption all about the needs of the child. If so why, for example would an infertile couple be a priority over myself?

Why would I be less of a priority if I am able to provide a loving stable home? My daughter is a very bright, happy, well-behaved little girl and we want to share our home with a child aged 0-3. We can't adopt any older, because of her age.

I do admit, I don't have any experience with children who have any learning or physical disability so I wouldn't be happy to adopt that 'kind' of child. And I know 'everybody' wants a younger child.

I would consider adopting siblings, but are there many siblings who fall in to the 0-3 age range, and would it be unfair to my daughter to adopt 2 children and have such a significant amount of my attention taken from her?

At the moment I'm starting to wonder if there's any point applying...

Am I right?

hi, i know a few single women who have adopted children. some have sibling groups but most of them have children who were 5+ at the time of placement.
i don't know any with birth children though. im not saying this doesn't happen .
its not necessarily that you wont be priority but finding a child who you will fit in with.
there is no harm in sounding out your la and ask if its worth applying, they will be honest as it costs a lot to go through he process.
18 months is very optimistic to be approved.the adoption agency or la only have a certain amount of social workers to process applications. with an adoption agency they are going to take on someone who is a sure bet as they get paid by the la for finding adopters.

as a single adopter I'm surprised that you don't think stable couples shoudl be prioritised over singles. I'm very happy with the upbringing I am giving my DS but I'm not under any illusion that not having an active father in his life is an extra challenge for him compared to many of his peers. Why wouldn't an agency seek to minimise the number of challenges these children (who already start behind their peers) have to deal with. Added to which the practicalities of addressing the needs of an adopted child is undoubtedly easier as a couple than a single - what if you chold needs you to stay at home for a longer period than you had anticipated, a couple is more likely to be able to dela with one working one not whereas for a single its no income if you can't work.

That said - you need to speak to your local council and a couple of voluntary agencies about the likelihood of being placed with a child under 3. Personally the only cases I have heard of singles with placements under 2 have all gone the foster to adopt route or Concurrent planning as its sometiems known. Coram provide this service and can give you some more information.

I know one single mother (with 6 yr old DS) who is currenlt fostering a 3 month old on this scheme.

I think you would find young sibling groups (in the 0-3 range) are every bit as much in demand as any other under three...

Kew - I read your blog for the first time the other day. Wow, it is amazing. I was crying my eyes out!!

As you were.

good lord - I'm amazed you still have the link!

Did you see the photo montage I did for our anniversary last year?

I think so, if it was attached to your original blog, I did see some quite recent photos, I think. I can't even remember how I happened across the link, but I was glued to the screen! Your son is beautiful.