you and/or your son can try to trace your Dh birth family by using teh public records open to everyone, but you cannot get access to his adoption records, which are only open to him. but i am wondering why you woudl do this against your Dh wishes?
you seem surpirsed that your Dh emphasises the ways in which his son is like him. your Dh has waited all his life to have someone who is biologically related to him - why woudl thsi not be a big deal? i assume you have always had this?
You say that your DHs childhood has little meaning just because you have " no idea why DH did what he did"? i dont understand why you feel his past is less important or meaningful than yours?
why do you " not want to encourage" your Dh saying how your Ds reminds him of his father? Why don't you just say " oh yes he doesnt, what a shame X isnt here, i'm sure DS woudl have loved him" etc etc
you say " he doesn't want to look for his biological family and find out who he is"
your husband is who he is. finding out about his biological family or even meeting them wont change who he is.he is the man you loved and married and have a child with, a product of his genetics and his environment, as we all are.
you seem very conflicted about your husband being adopted. coudl i gently suggest that you sit down and talk to him about it. jut listen and try to forget your agenda, which seem to be that he should trace beecause of your son.
if he is willing to talk and you to listen it might help you understand him better