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Adoption

Advice needed for first letter box contact letter, how to start etc etc

56 replies

april74 · 04/03/2009 10:31

Well says it all really, I am due to write my first letters.

I know of plenty of things that I want to say and have the photo's ready, I just struggling with the first line.

I have to write 2 letters 1 to the birth parents and another to her half sister who has been long term fostered by a family member.

We changed the spelling of our DD first name, but I will write with the old spelling.

Just need advice on how to get started.

TIA

OP posts:
Darciemae · 02/02/2020 22:12

Thankyou so much for you’re help it really has helped the social worker gets the order tomorrow I’ve found out they tell the children from the age of 5 now, I’ve a memory box with photos of birth mother when she was little to now & when she was in mother & baby unit. I will defo ask social worker for letterbox address tomorrow as I have contact every Monday I think we get 2hours on goodbye vist so I’ve orderd a lovely dress fur gillet & tights from river island & waiting on permission for a professional photographer to be allowed in. I got assessed & it was positive for a SGO order but because of birth fathers domestic violence history & birth mother keeps going back there scared of him turning up at my door so we moved from Manchester to Cumbria 6weeks ago so she’d have a better quality of life, but there too scared he finds out our address threw birth mother (she hasn’t been given it) it’s heartbreaking 💔 but I’m hoping she’ll come looking when old enough & I’ll be there along with my partner to support & answer any questions she has & hopefully she’ll want a positive relationship thankyou so much I’ll defo ask for letter box address tomorrow xx

Darciemae · 02/02/2020 22:21

No I didn’t no there was such a line thankyou for you’re help xx

Anon3117 · 15/10/2020 21:44

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Yolande7 · 26/10/2020 21:55

You can find sample letters here:
contact.rip.org.uk/topics/letterbox-contact/#welcome_letter
www.birminghamchildrenstrust.co.uk/downloads/file/7/letterbox_sample_letter_adopter_to_birth_parents

As so much in adoption it is highly individual. I tried hard to build a positive relationship with my children's birth parents, because I felt that was in the best interest of my children. I feel a lot of empathy towards the birth family, even though they have done terrible things. I have mentioned Christmases etc. to show them that we love the children very much and that they have a nice life and opportunities their parents sadly never had. The birth parents are happy that the children have these opportunities. I don"t write a report, but a letter to what feels like distant relatives. The letters are as personal as possible given that we have a high safety risk. We used to have a very good relationship via letterbox and got quite a few questions answered, but sadly the birth family no longer writes back.

My children find it disappointing that their birth family no longer writes back, but understand the possible reasons and to an extend feel no contact makes it easier for them to get on with their lives. We have direct contact to some family members though, so they have a strong link to their past.

G2021 · 11/12/2021 22:17

needed for 4 letter box contact letter, how to start and what to say . But they have stop writing to me . It was only last year they write to me ......
I struggle with learning disabilities
Thank you for you help

Italiangreyhound · 12/12/2021 10:29

@G2021 hi, are you the adoptive parent or birth parent?

Either way I'd say even if they stop writing, you continue.

Keep copies of everything you send.

We write twice a year to our son's birth parents.

Our letters are factual and friendly (I hope). We always ask how they are. We don't write at Christmas.

I hope that helps. Lots of advice upthread over the last 8 years!

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