Any advice on adopting a stepchild please?

[lottiesmummy]

anyone?

my husband wants to adopt my eldest daughter, we have no idea what to do

my dh wanted to adopt my DS so we looked into it. We eventually decided on getting a residential order and full parental responsibility through the courts which was very simple to do and cost very little and we didnt need a solicitor did it all by ourselves! The forms are available from court house althoug it does mean a letter has to be sent to brith father for him to relinquish all parental rights.
We chose this option as solicitor said we had to be married for atleast 5 years before the courts would consider an adoption and also its not just the man who has to adopt but also the mother which i found very odd.
What we have now basically is DH has full PR and we both have residency/custody of DS and we were able to change his name via deedpoll for a small charge!

I think you need to consult a solicitor. We made initial enquiries but it appeared that I also had to adopt. There was no way that I was prepared to adopt my own child! It would also have meant social services doing home studies. I think you also have to change the surname-another thing that I didn't want to do. Maybe someone up to date will reply, I could be wrong, but we decided not to go ahead.

wow thanks for that, yes I'm aware that I will have to adopt her too, though I have no idea why as I'm her birth mother... very odd.

the residential order and full pr from the courts sounds good, how did you get that started?

Also I didnt know that you have to be married for 5yrs as most sites say you don't need to be married to adopt a stepchild.

I didn't know about the married 5 years-we enquired before we got married and it wasn't mentioned- but then we didn't go into it very thoroughly.

apparently its that the courts like that and normally dont consider adoption UNLESS you can prove you have been together legally for 5 years!
With regards starting the process, ring your local court and ask about the forms for PR and residential order. I think we paid about £80 for both in court fees and had to attend a short meeting as well as the birth father being contacted but the court do that so its not too awkward! No solicitors needed at all and the forms are not too bad!

www.bemyparent.org.uk/info-for-families/your-questions/can-i-adopt-my-step-child,133,AR.html

thanks loads, we will have been married for 5yrs this november coming so that will be fine I'm sure x

I thought that the old position under which you had to adopt her too had been changed quite recently, so it's worth getting up-to-date advice. I think you have to tell your local authority that you are planning to adopt three months before you file the forms with the court.

We need to speak to the duty social worker before we can do anything.... have phoned them 3 times in the last 3 days they say they'll call me back... but don't, can do nothing till we've spoken to them.

I've found out we don't need a solicitor @ £2500 for stepchild adoption... We can go straight to the court and it will only cost £140 in court fees, solicitor not needed. Such a relief.

do you need the biological dad premission if he hasnt been around for years and you dont know where he is ..

I don;t know about step adoption but I know that you can apply to waive birth parent consent on the grounds that they cannot be found. However you have to show you have tired.

My daughters dad died last year

presumably only need to produce a death cert or some other evidence then.

yes a death cert, but easier said than done, just found out theyre doing an inquest now as was sudden so will need to wait another 6mths till we can get it..

Yes....
I do adoption work and also step-parent adoptions. Things are quite complicated these days and are as follows:
Both you and your husband have to adopt - I know this sounds crazy.........
It is also not something straight forward.
You need to contact your local child care social work team and they will respond with a letter and some information about the next step.
They will then send out a social worker and this person will then give you further advice on what you need to do such as registering your interest to adopt with the court.
The social worker's job is to make sure that this adoption by a Step-parent is something that is in the best interests of the children and that any absent parent knows what is happening and is in agreement. It doesnt mean that it cant go ahead if they are not in agreement but there are different steps to take if they disagree.
The social worker will interview yourself, husband, children, any other significant persons such as relatives.
Whole process can take 6 months.
Situation is not disimilar to the normal adoption process and this is because of the Adoption Act 2004.

My husband wanted to adopt my children. We had to be seen by a Social Worker and then a solicitor contacted my ex who signed away his rights to his children. He wasn't interested in them anyway and it meant he saved on the maintenance!
It all took about 6 months and certainly didn't cost £2500. Also we had been together for about a year before we married and had only just married when we applied.
BUT - the hardest thing for me, as a mother, was that I had to sign to give up my children for about a month. They were in the guardianship of Social Services. So, during that time I wasn't legally their mother! Then my husband and I adopted MY children!!
I asked the Social Worker what would happen if the courts refused and she said that Social Services would give me back my children!!
Thanks, then! It all went through quick quickly and painlessly, though.
Good Luck!

I've been married for 4 months and want to adopt my step son. When my husband and I went to our CAB, they and the adoption advisory people they recommended to us said that we'd have to live as a family for 6 months first. So, we've got 2 months to go. Theoretically this should all be straight forward (my son's birth mother died and her family are very happy for us) but I'm sure it'll get more complicated when we're doing it. We were told it was a case of getting a form from the court and a social worker visiting. Not sure how my son will take it as far as he's concerned, I married Daddy and thus I'm Mummy. Hopefully we'll get a good social worker and he may never have to know or question that belief...

Good luck. It's hard but it's worth it if it's the best thing for your kid. You need to contact social services first off to notify them of your intention to adopt. You can do it without a lawyer, but it might be better to use one eventually if it's going to be at all contentious- probably not in your case. Normally if there's an existing relationship with the birth parent (or with the birth parents' family) the courts rule against it, so you're better off going for residency.

The law has changed: you do not need to adopt your own child now. You do not necessarily need to have been together for 5 years- they look for 1 year minimum of marriage, and evidence of a long term relationship.

The process is long, intrusive, expensive and uncertain, and the law is now geared towards your child's best interests (ie how would she benefit from this?). It's because some parents use it as a way of consolidating their relationship and freezing the birth parent out. So you have to be prepared to explain why it's best ('forever parent', sibling parity, inheritance etc are all good reasons). Good luck!

I am glad they have changed it-the whole thing was ridiculous-I wasn't going to adopt my own child! Just as a point of interest do you have to change the surname to the adoptive father? That was another thing that I didn't want to do-DS's father had died and I thought it important to keep his name.

I don't think so- that's a separate process.

so if the biological father rejects waiving his parental responcibility, is there still the possibility of the adoption by a step father going through?

you need to contact the adoption team at the social services in your area and ask them what to do... there might be a fight on with her biological father though......

... mmmm dont want to rock the boat, he's violent and nasty. Only lives 8 miles from me too.... fed up with it, dreading the day he serves court papers.

he gives me 2.50 a week child maintenance... nice of him isnt it

I've been looking for some time for threads similar to this - can anyone direct me to other threads on topics relating to becoming a mother through relationship with a widower to a (in our case very young) child who's birth mum has died ?

Its a strange limbo land I think we inhabit between stepmum, adoptive parent, and birth mother. My DD alternates between calling me 'Mummy' and 'dreamylady' now (we've lived as a family for nearly 2 years)and I really bristle when someone refers to me as her stepmum!

There are loads of common issues that are given a different slant because of these circumstances, eg the MIL, the relationship with wider family, worries about future family plans and impact of those. But also specific ones like how she will cope with grieving for her first mum when she gets older, and for me feeling like an outsider/imposter or our story a bit distressing for 'real' mums when they first hear it (almost invariably a bit too soon after first meeting them)

I'm interested to share experience / nuggets of mumsnet wisdom on this - if theres nothing out there I will maybe start a few threads and see if anyone bites

I know someone who did this. It was horrible and complicated and basically involved the biological mum surrendering him to the courts, and then his stepfather (who'd known him and been his only father since the age of 1) adopting him. So basically his mother was not his mother for a few minutes, and he was without parents for that time until he was readopted by his stepfather. It all happened in one hearing afaik, but it all sounded horribly convoluted and I'm aghast there isn't an easier & less odd way to do it.