Query re adoption and mental health

[Rubberplant]

A relative has told us that he would like to adopt with his wife. However, he suffers from depression. Does this mean that he'll never be considered as a suitable candidate?

not necessarily. He needs to speak to his GP and find out whether they are supportive and also the adoption team at social services to see what their attitude is. I depends on both and how severe/well controlled his depression is.

My friend had severe depression afetr her IVF failed and went on to succssefully adopt but she was able to convince them that it waws situational and a result of the extreme pressure. She was quite carefully grilled about how stressful the adoption process is and would she cope if the depression came back.

So it varies depending on the specific situation.

Sometimes they can be incredibly prejudiced. I work as a counsellor and was grilled for over a year as when I was training I had compulsory therapy. They really did not understand. This was for fostering but it's the same interviewers (social workers). As Kew said the only way they came to accept this was because it was time-limited and for a reason.

This prejudice really angers me.

It depends on individual circumstances. In my previous life as a SW I placed children with adopters who had both had serious depression in the past. Given the stressful circumstances many prospective adopters go through before making the decision to adopt, I would anticipate this sort of history.
Openness is the key to working through these things with SW, difficult as that may be.

I think the answer is that yes it MAY be a problem

it depends on a lot of factors...sadly the most important IME is the type of child they wish to adopt. Its more of a problem if you wish to adopt a healthy baby, toddler or pre schooler. If your relatives are able to consider a child with special needs, or a large sibling group or school aged children, or if they are a black family, it will be less of a problem.

you might well ask, of course, why those adopting "easier" children need better health than those adopting more challenging children and this is indeed a good question

it will also depend, as other have said , on your relatives health. How often he has been ill and for how long, how long ago, his specific diagnosis & treatment, his prognosis etc etc. He will require a detailed medical report from his GP and also his psychiatrist. I would suspect that if it is an ongoing illness then it might well prevent them from adopting

Unfortunately issues such as a history of depression and obesity, which used NOT to be a problem, are now proving to be so with some panels.

If it were me i would wish to be raising this issue at a very early stage, in writing, with a senior officer in the agency. what I would not want is to get a year / eighteen months down the line then be turned down / put on hold before panel. If you search through the adoption threads you will see this has happened to several Mners.

I would not repeat NOT be satisfied with a verbal assurance from a junior Sw that "I'm sure it will be fine" or "we'll talk about that later".

HTH

Well sorry if this comes across wrong but I suffer from depression and it really affects my parenting in a negative way.

I guess it depends if it is well managed and thus doesn't have an impact day to day.

Otherwise I would hesitate.
(and should have done so myself before having children...sadly I took the plunge, it has not always been good)

Sorry, that sounds like I am saying depressed people shouldn't have children. I am sure most of us have problems in some way affecting our parenting. Management is the key.

I am badly managed is what I'm saying.

I'm sorry flightattendant, sounds like you're in a difficult place

Flight, I probably shouldn't butt in here.

I only saw your comment on "last 15 mins" and it drew my attention.

My MIL has about the worst depression people can suffer from and it has affected her for many years. It definitely affected her parenting.

DH and my SIL are both marvellous, loving, successful people.

And they love their mum very much.

Hope you don't think this is trite.

I think you are right FA - many of us have problmes and its sometimes hard to admit that they affect our paretning. I was once asked how being a mother was compared to what I was execting. The immediate thing which struck me was that I'm nothing like as good a parent as I'd expected to be!

I think thats partly the naievety of someone who hasn't done it in pratice but also a lack of acceptance of how certian things would (and do) affect my parenting.

Hopefully most of us are "good enough" parents.

Thankyou for being so nice. Kew - same here! I was always so good with other people's kids, but mine see the whole picture iyswim.

Balloonslayer no it doesn't sound trite, it's encouraging and I'm glad you said it. I hope mine turn out Ok.

Sorry, it's not my thread, Rubberplant I really hope your relatives manage to adopt - goodness knows there are so many children wanting homes.