single adoptive mothers

[Miglena]

I adopted my daughter as a single person. Having her is the most fantastic experience in the whole wide world. She is a wonderful, bright child. We could not love each other more even if she was my biological child. However, not having a father, appears to bother her a great deal.How can I help, she has been even bullied at school: with words like: 'Your father is called Nobody' Adoption confidentiality has even prevented me from knowing who her biological father is.
Please, someone, give me advise. I would love to hear from people in a similar situation. It breaks my heart to watch her look at other children's daddies.

Bless you Miglena, how hard to have given so much of yourself and still have to go through this. I am sure this is just a phase, your love will be more than enough for her one day just at the moment I am sure she is just curious and kids can be super mean.

I have no experience in this, just did not want your thread to go unanswered so I want to bump you up to the top and hope someone is out there to help.

Good luck, I have every admiration for you. I am a step-mum and bow down to your wonderful and unconditional commitment.

Oh, how sad . I don't know what to suggest, Miglena: have you tried posting on the adoptioncouk board? The only thing I can say, which may or may not be relevant, is that as a small child I was the only person I knew without a dad - and it hurt. By the time I was doing O-levels half the kids in my class were in single parent families. I truly believe that social stigma associated with not having a dad is acute for small children, and far less so for older children. That doesn't take care of your daughter's own feelings on the matter, of course. You sound like a wonderful mum and I am sure you will give her fantastic support with this.

Have you talked to your post adoption support - they may be able to arrange some counselling for her. Also why not try to adaptthe WISE UP principles to help her deal with it.

How ildis she- there's plenty of books around about diferent shaped families - I'm sure you probably know of them but I think its really worth reading themwith her.

I think sheprobably needs a chance to practice what she's going to say when bullies make this kind of comment to her. Get to say it out loud a lot with you and talk it through with her as much as she needs.

Responses:

"what my father is called is none of your business"
"your father would be ashamed of your behaviour"

DS is only 3 so we haven;t come across this issue here yet but I've already started raising it when for example we read books that have a Daddy in it I have said to him "we don't have a Daddy in our house do we, but we have a Nanny and an Uncle Ian who don;t live with us"

ie reinforce that she has people who love her.

Sorry thats all very obvious and you probably know it already.

Where are you? There are somesingle adopter groups around or even single motehrs by choice groups - which have the same issues..