is seeing heavily pregnant woman likely to upset an adoptive mum?

[EightiesChick]

My cousin tried for ages to have a biological child but after repeated miscarriages accepted it wasn't meant to be and has adopted two children. DC2 came home with them this autumn and I haven't seen him yet (we live a few hours apart). I'm 33 weeks pregnant, going to be delivering Xmas presents soon and wondered if she will appreciate me asking to come to the house so I can meet the new DC or whether seeing me about to have a baby will be upsetting? My mum was told by her mum that she did have a cry and got upset when she heard about me being pregnant though she was also really pleased for me. I am planning to try and enquire discreetly but what would you think?

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Just ask her if you can pop over on a particular day. If she doesn't want you then she'll say so or make up an excuse. You probably haven't heard from her because she's so busy with her new DS, I doubt it's anything to do with you being pregnant.

I remember noticing pregnant women all the time when I was trying to get pregnant, but after adopting I didn't really notice at all. If I had managed to have a birth child some other family would have adopted DS and it makes me much more sad to think of that than that I won't ever be pregnant. I'm sure your cousin feels much the same way. Sometimes there's a little jolt of envy that other people manage to start a family with relative ease. Adoption is long and tough.

i think your cousin will be pleased at you visiting to welcome her new son to the family!how fab it will be when he has a new little cousin to play with, she has said shes pleased for you and your delighted for her too, go deliver your gifts, make a fuss over her kids and enjoy yourself!(remember to post back info on it, how fab her kids are ect!)

Everyone is different but like Bran once I had adopted I didn't really pay much attention to whether someone is pregnant or not - do get very jealous about people who are adopting again though mentioning no names...

I would have liked to be pregnant (wistful sigh) but I would have liked to have been pregnant with DS which as it isn't actually possibly tend not to occupy my thoughts too much.

Never been in that situation but what Pruner said sounds about right. xx

It is nice of you to be so sensitive to your cousin's feelings - i think if you let her know that you would like to come visit, this will give her time to prepare that you are coming (pregnant) or make an exscuse (which i doubt) should she wish - she will probably love having her children made a fuss off, for you to coo over them, and for her to finally feel that run up to christmas with gifts and visitors.

These thoughts are just my own of course, i suffered with infertility for many years and many miscarriages, and always for some reason found pregnant women hard to be around (not children) - but i found it infinitely harder to be surprised by the information e.g. around a big dinner table with someone announcing their pregnancy, rather than knowing up front, i then had time to make peace with that - however i think now that your cousin finally has her family and is a mum, she will be able to share as well in your pregnancy ....

I'm reporting you to the pedants for using 'jealous' when you meant 'envious'. Be afraid.

Remind me after we get our new dd to get the details of your photographer niece from you, it would be fab to have some whole family photos.