Life Story book ~ need some help and advice

[april74]

Our lovely DD is under 2 and we have been finally given her life story book from the social worker, not really what we were expecting, we were expecting a lot more detail.

Anyway we need to do another one for her, as the one we have is definately not age appropriate for her, and if we take out all the things until she was much older we would be left with about 3 pages. There was nothing whatsoever positive about her birth parents it was all negative, which I think is a shame.

The thing that I really struggling with is the wording for how come she came to live with us, what I mean is she was removed before she was born because birth mum was on the at risk register for abuse for a previous child, and every wording I come up with seems lame.

If anyone has some suggestions that would be fantastic.

Thanks

obviously not removed before birth, the decision was made that she would be removed at birth.

Could you say something vague about how her birth mum wasn't able to look after her properly? Then you can decide how to let other information out piecemeal as she becomes old enough to understand it?

If she's under 2 she's not likely to really pursue more info at this stage, is she?

As she is still so little, are you wanting to produce some life-story material just so you can have it around, or so that it is ready when or if she does ask you questions about her personal history?

At this young age, I am guessing that she isn't actively seeking to know about her birth parent and such? My approach would be to research good children's family story books that look at issues around adoption (I'll try and find some info out for you when I have a moment or two) - the archive of this MN section might be helpful. These will mean that the area of adoption is alive in your home and will become part of your family culture and communication. Storybooks can be a very powerful way in to further discussion that is more specific to your own family set up (do you remember that story we read? That's a little bit like us isn't it? etc etc)

We are currently building up to do some formal therapeutic life story with DD who is now 9 and struggling a bit with how she came to be here, but that's a way off in the future for you guys. When DD was younger though I got hold of a brilliant life story book which is very similar to a baby record book and allows for just the bare minimum/necessary information about birth and foster families to be presented nicely, no questions asked, no need to elaborate. It was just enough for DD during her preschool and infant school years, I would say and certainly helped us out with the tricky 'all about me'-type topics that they insist on doing in primary school! The link for the website the sells these books is here

Hope that helps. Don't rush into getting all the information sorted now, just let you little girl lead you - you will find the right words at the right time. There's also a lot to be said for saying to her 'Wow, that's a really important question...we'll talk about that in a little while' Then make a cup of tea, talk to your partner, think about what you want to tell her and then make time to do it. Good luck!

Ds life story book is written at a suitable level to share with a child of at least 7-8 or older. The early pages are photographs of the hospital where he was born, the social workers that represented him (and tried to do their best for him), the foster carers that lovingly looked after him, contact visits and celebrations (christmas, birthdays etc).
It uses the wording 'it was decided (by the judge)-- that bm might not be able to look after ds and keep ds 'safe from the people she spent time with.' I do not know if that helps.
We have added our own pictures so it is much fatter now!! There is also a 'Letter of Origin' intended for when ds reaches near adult understanding, with carefully worded details.

DS has no info at all about his BM and she left him in the hospital on the day he was born - at leas twe have no bad news though!

If you CAT me I'll share what we have put together (he's 3) with social worker which should be appropriate until he's 5 or 6.

Many thanks for all your replies. Very Helpful.

The life story book is strange it refers to us as mummy and daddy and then further down the paper its mentioned his birth parents were heroin and crack cocaine users.

I guess I just want something around as I have finally been giver her baby photos and want to do a nice album for her now which a lot of the details are fresh in my memory.

Thanks kewcumber that would be great

Can you email me

mumapril1974 @ yahoo . com

Keep it simple - something you can build on as they get older and reach a different level of understanding.
Phrases like they couldn't really look after you need to be followed by something which indicates that a decision made about their future was a permanent one so they don't wonder if circs may have changed and the BPs will come and get her back at some point.
Photos nicely presented, a few words, mememtos, adoption cards, all the people that came to welcome them into our family, maps, pictures of where they used to live etc etc were all we had in ours to start with. We had little pre adoption info but we did have we tried to put a positive slant on without being dishonest. We copied them so they could have their own laminated copy to get out when and how they wanted without it all being too precious.