Is all the 'baby P' media coverage raising some tricky areas for any of your adopted/looked after children...?

[misspollysdolly]

Just wondering really, because it has for us. DD (9) has been asking a lot of questions about her own life story in relation to the baby p coverage and I just wondered how you were all managing...?

DD was hurt in a non-accidental injury, which led to her being taken into care and she never returned to her birth family's home. It also led to a court case, and imprisonment and did make the national press but on a relaitvely small scale.

Last night after seeing some stuff about baby P on the teatime news she asked us if her case was ever on the news or in the papers and we ended up digging out a cutting and talking to her about it, which raises all sorts of emotional issues for her and for us.

I think it is all harder because she seems to always catch us 'on the hop'. I'm never quite prepared for the things she comes out with or questions she has, so I can sometimes feel on edge around her - so that I'm ready for anything anytime, IYSWIM.

Sorry that was longer than I intended, but I just wondered if anyone else was facing this kind of stuff...?

Our DS was from a similar background - removed from home at four months due to intentional harming by birth parents. I watched the panorama programme last night and cried the whole way through. For another couple looking to adopt Baby P could have been their little boy and brought all the joy that our DS has. It truly makes me weep. Our toot (5) is too little to be aware of it but it does make you think

I was wondering what other adoptive parents were making of this. The general hysteria and social-worker bashing on MN has been as upsetting as the child's situation for me - we have so much to thank them for.

Fortunately our little ones have been too young to see the TV coverage, I have enough to do with the usual questions from my 4yo. I couldn't bring myself to watch the Panorama programme.

misspolly - i think you are doing the best thing, being open and honest with her. if she is old enough to ask she is old enough to deal with these issues, in an age appropriate way of course.

if she asks you a questions at an unsuitable time, you coudl say soemthing like

"thats a really big / good/ important/ difficult question and i'd like to talk about it with you when we get home / after tea / when we will have more time / be able to concentrate / have some privacy"

you don't have to answer everything on the hop

sometimes we need to say i dont know, or i have often wondered that and i dont have a good answer

we can talk about drug or alcohol misuse or mental health issues or learning difficulties or poor parenting etc but at the end of the day there is no good explanation why some people abuse their children These might be reasons but they are not excuses.

After all many others who have these probelsm do NOT abuse or neglect their children

i think that as adoptive parenst we always live with the grief and pain of knowing what our children suffered and what they will go through in their lives as they struggle to make sense of it all

i am always shocked at the parents on mumsnet who advocate lying to their children about their past and then confessing all when their child is 16. all under the guise of "protecting them" and letting them have their" innocence".

They dont understand how awful it feels that you couldn't protect them and there is no point in lying to them because they have lived through it