Applying for concurrent adoption

[looseleaf]

Hi,

Since I posted here a while ago when I was still imamummy (I changed my name after reading an unoriginal names on mumsnet thread!!) we are definitely applying for concurrent adoption and thanks to Kewcumber particularly who was really helpful in letting me know about it and to everyone else too. Coram cover London which is where we are, and I rang them last week and am waiting to hear back from a social worker!

Has anyone else here been successful in adopting concurrently? I'm so excited and also bracing myself for it to be a long haul and for potential disappointment.

We have a biological DD who is nearly two but both DH and I have always wanted to adopt.

bump

hi ll, concurrent isnt the easiest of adoption routes.

i would imagine they would need a bigger age gap with your dd and the proposed baby who will probably be a few weeks old.can you still have children naturally? if so i dont even know if they woul;d consider you.

we were one of the unlucky ones who had contact with birth parent 3 times a week. if this happens you have to go to coram in central london 3 times a week.from between 3 to 5 hours. the baby is left with the mother, i just hung around the british museum.

i was the hardest most sole destroying thing we evern did. our baby was returned and it has taken over 2 years to recover.

I don;t know a lot about concurrent adoption otehr than it exists and that it has been a successful route to adoption fr parents I know. I chose to do it for the reasons Hifi gave but they were quoting 85% adoption rate when I looked into it. I assume they will fully brief you at any early meeting and maybe even give you teh names of some people who have done it to talk to about the pros and cons.

hifi I'm so sorry as that must have been heart-breaking and when Coram questioned me on the phone they did stress you have to be prepared not to keep the baby- though until I read your thread I hadn't understood how terrible that would be in practice. I can't imagine what that must feel like.

There's a chance we could have another child naturally but a specialist said it's impossible at the moment and will take years if we do - but we have a much greater heart to adopt somehow as can't bear thinking of any child feeling insecure or unwanted and somehow it's troubled me more since having DD as she was such a high needs baby and we love her so much.
This all feels like such a minefield though and I don't know that I've heard one positive thing about the long haul to get to becoming an adoptive parent

hi ll, we were worse case scenario. i would suggest going down mainstream adoption route. at the moment coram are overwhelmed by white couples wanting babies. if you are black or mixed race you have a better chance at any kind of adoption.also with a birth child you wont be a priority.
with mainstream you could be lucky and get a child between 9 to 12 months but they are likely to be older.
most of the babies that are adopted are very much wanted by birth families, its a case of them being forcibly removed. you also have n
to consider their birth mothers come from very troubled backgrounds, drink,drugs prostitution. all of these situations bring problems with the child.
im not giving a very rosie view, we are just going thru it all for the 3rd time and dreading it.

p.s hilariously they insist on using contraception whilst going thru the process.

that's such useful advice, thanks - i'll look further into the mainstream route

Looseleaf - please don't worry that the new babies placed for adoption are unwanted - that's not the case at all. many of them are wanted by their birth families, but they are simply unable to provide a safe and loving home for them.And they are also not "unwanted" by adoptive parenst, who are queueing up to take them.

so please don't feel that you "should" adopt a new baby because they are unwanted - they are very much wanted and loved

Have also heard that this can be a fraught route. Some LA's are aparently also offering concurrent adoption but not sure how many. BAAF may know. However for some it works beautifully and I guess it all depends how you'd cope with such dissappointment if it worked for birth parent and not potential adopter............

Kristinam that's a really interesting point and we are increasingly considering inter-country adoption though I spoke to a really helpful lady at the concurrent planning organisation earlier who said we at any rate shouldn't start anything for nine months as DD still too young and they like a bigger age gap due to the babies having more problems and needs on the whole than most.

I'm excited to have these conversations though as feels like an important step and we're going to an information evening in Jan