Just starting out

[greyhoundgirl]

Hi I'm new here!

I'm mum to a beautiful 7 year old little girl, and we are just starting out on the process of applying to adopt.

We are the very beginning, having just made contact with SS, and awaiting a call back from a SW. In the meantime I want to arm myself with as much knowledge as possible, from others who have been there as well as "official" sites.

The reason we want to adopt is that we don't want another baby. I suffered post natal depression after dd, which put me off trying again for a long time, and then as time went by we just didn't want to return to nappies, breastfeeds, sleepless nights etc. We have now come to realise that we would like another child in our family, the emphasis firmly being on child, not baby lol! We are thinking age 3 plus, a preschooler would be great but equally so would be a school age child. Younger than dd though I think.

I blook forward to having things worth posting here!

My friend works on a selection pannel for adoptive parents and from what she has said the most important things are your ability to devote time, love and manage and be aware of, possible issues that may arrise.

Good luck!

Hi and welcome!

I'm also applying to adopt, and have a birth daughter (aged 3). I'm a bit further along the process than you, and have found that having a birth child is seen as both an advantage and a disadvantage: an advantage because you have parenting experience, a disadvantage because you can't lavish your full attention on the adopted child, and because they also have to assess your child and consider her needs.

You will probably find that they insist on you adopting a child at least three years younger than your dd.

Good luck - I'm sure we'll talk here again!

Adoption can get you out of the baby stage/childbirth, but it can bring an awful lot of even more stressful and disruptive issues depending on the child's background. The social workers will probably want to unpack this with you in quite a lot of detail, they are very suspicious of anything that hints of "convenience". You wouldn't be immune from stress and depression after placement. (as an adoptive parent I don't know much about PND but I do know of some adoptive parents who have really struggled once reality hits).

I don't want to put a damper on it but it's such a long drawn out process that you will need to muster all the positiveness and resilience you can.

It's well worth looking on the adoptionuk forums as well as subscribing to their magazine, you will hear about the best and worst of it there. Adoption can work out brilliantly, if it is right for you then the best of British luck to you! .

I've got to be honest, after reading some threads on here last night I have grave reservations now.

I was under no illusions that it would be "convenient". If I wanted convenience, I would have had no kids. I'm just trying to be honest in admitting that I struggle with babies but I think I'm a pretty damn good mother to my daughter now she's older.

However I'm disturbed to read the high percentage of school age adoptions that fail - I would hate to be involved in adding to the chaos of a vulnerable child's life, or causing chaos for my own child. I'm also worried by the random things that would go against me - I'm overweight, I have 2 big dogs, I work. All of these things work just fine for us now, but if a SW decided that they were not acceptable standards then I think it would have a pretty negative impact on us as a family.

I'm not saying it's not going to happen, but this was my first exposure to real experiences as opposed to adoption publicity and the differences jarred enough to make me stop and say we need to think about this a lot lot more before exposing us as a family to the scrutiny of outsiders.

My heart says yes, we have a lot of love to offer a child. My head says I need to protect my family as it is right now.

sigh

I'm sure it's worth you progressing a little bit more with the application and get a feeling for how likely it is to work out. You need to distinguish between the effort of getting approved, (which is a lot of hoops to jump through) and the challenges/reward of life with your adopted child. You can go through the first if you're commited to the second.

Not an easy one is it? Feel free to come back with any more thoughts.

FWIW we have pets, and I've just gone back to work after adoption leave, and I'm heading for a weight issue too . If the assessing social worker thinks you are made of the right stuff to make it work, I'm sure these won't be obstacles.

I'm going to chat to the SW when she calls, nothing has been ruled out yet! I've rallied a bit, having read a few more positive stories. But I do wonder what I'm doing inviting SWs into our lives!

Hi

I have read the posts & thought i would write
with my reply. I am an Adoptive Mum of a lovely little girl aged 20 months, she came
to us at 7.5 months. We were unable to have our own children & decided to Adopt. It
is the best thing ever & i love her more than life. The process is tough & sometimes
frustrating, however it's worth jumping through all the hoops for the end result. We had a fantastic social worker & that's half the battle. You Need to be open/honest with them.
They have a way of finding out exactly how you feel. Regarding the weight issue then providing you are otherwise healthy then don't worry about it. We also have a dog & naturally the question will be raised are children going to be safe with dogs in the household. It would depend on what breed
of dog you have. You mentioned that you work
they would expect you initially to take time off just as you would if you had given birth, I went on 6 month Adoption leave.
They would look in depth into the fact that you suffered from PND. Adoption is a wonderful process however you have a lot
to consider before you decide to go ahead.
Good Luck BEV X

blithe - i think the problem is that the effort and difficulties of getting approved as a drop in the ocean compared with the challenges of parenting a child with significant special needs. and balancing these with the needs of the child/children already in the family

I woudl not dissuade anyone from adopting because the process of getting approved is too hard.I woudl encourage them to consider very seriously the needs of most school aged adopted children and how their marriage/children/ work/family relationships coudl cope with that challenge