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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

My sister has been matched with 2 girls -

13 replies

MrsBoo · 10/11/2008 10:34

anyone any advice for the rest of our family? We are all so excited, but we dont want to overwhelm her with advice, gifts etc.
None of us live near her, but we are a large extended family - so I wont get to see my new nieces for ages.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 10/11/2008 10:37

ask her what she wants!

Generally not too many visitors around the time of the placement but take her lead.

How old are they?

PeachyFizzesLikeADampSquibb · 10/11/2008 10:39

If you feel you need to buy somethin vouchers are very handy- if they're small they can be spent on nappies as much as toys etc

I would probably send a good bottle of cha,mpagne as well, but my sister would appreciate that (a little too much indeed)

How fab

Original poster
MrsBoo · 10/11/2008 10:44

The girls are nearly 4 and 5 (birthdays in new year i think). My mum will be the first to see them in Jan - the rest of us live too far away.
I am sending some clothes - we all pass the nice boden stuff between us - so now another 2 girls in the loop.

They only got the court approval last week, and think they will have the girls by this weekend. They are in for a shock me thinks

OP posts:
PeachyFizzesLikeADampSquibb · 10/11/2008 11:45

ah but what new arent isn't in for a shock?

they are doing a great thing.

Kewcumber · 10/11/2008 11:52

ooh yes please don;t do the "ooh you're in for a shock" (not that you would) sounding smug as if they will struggle so much more than anoyone else would is really really irritating!

You wouldn;t beleive the number of people (even close family) who said to me "ooh you found it very hard didn't you". Well no actually no harder than most other new parents did and less hard than some.

I really think you just need to ask them what you can do to help and listen to what they want. They may not know to start with as it will depend largely on the girls I suseopct and well they settle.

Original poster
MrsBoo · 10/11/2008 11:56

Sorry I didn't mean to sound patronising. Yes, i just meant its a huge difference once the little ones arrive. But in a good way.

I think we are all new to it, and dont want to offend. I am going to buy the champagene and send a card and small present to the girls and welcome them to the family (just like i would do for a new baby).

thanks for your help

OP posts:
hifi · 10/11/2008 12:48

i think seeing them in the new year would be perfect. we kept dd out of sight for 2 weeks and she was 14mths.

i would send some photos first, your ds can then introduce you that way.
i wouldnt buy them too much as they will probably come with their own things.

Kewcumber · 10/11/2008 12:57

sorry - I didn;t want to say that you would do that. Just that lots of people said it to me and it was bloody annoying, but then lots of people are smug and patronising when you give birth so I guess its a similar experience!

magso · 10/11/2008 17:44

How wonderful! Yes card of welcome, with photograph excellent idea.
I loved family and friend hand me downs (not new) - odd I know but it made us feel ds was accepted into the wider family.

KatieMorag · 12/11/2008 16:41

wonderful news!

gifts and cards sounds excellent

along the lines of what NOT to say, don't ask about the girls background . its not that your family are being shut out, its just that adoptive parents are advised not to tell anyone, even close family. its the girls' information for them to share ( if they wish) when they are older

never EVER refer to their " real" parents. its birth or biological parents.

never call them your adopted nieces or your childrens adopted cousins. they are nieces and cousins ( as you wrote in your OP)

when your sister complains about her daughters (as she will), dont say " oh well all kids do that". Just smile, nod and say " that must be hard".

unless you are exprerinced adopters of older children, i would avoid giving any advice at all

if you cant give any practical help ( i see you live far away) the most useful thing is a listening ear on the phone and a non judgemental attitude

Flier · 12/11/2008 16:45

why don't you send a photo of your family along with your card?

mummyBop · 12/11/2008 20:40

My SIL sent a personal card to each of our kids when they came, with a different message for each and they liked that.

Other than that - be at the end of a phon when your sister needs you and take things at her pace. Do keep presents very low key - The kids will already have their own stuff and may see new stuff as rejecting the old.

Bop

Kewcumber · 13/11/2008 09:16

Hey Bop - how are things settling down with your three?

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