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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Adopting from China.

52 replies

hauschkahels · 30/09/2008 15:09

I am totally new to mums net & this is the 1st thread I have ever left after reading only 1 other!
Basically I have 2 boys 9&4 years & my husband & I would love to adopt, possibly from China & my question is where do you start???
I would love to hear from others going through the process now or those who have done it already etc etc.....

OP posts:
KristinaM · 01/10/2008 16:55

hi mulanmum and welcome to mumsnet

now stop lurking and get typing

Mulanmum · 01/10/2008 17:45

Thank you, Kristina, will do!

bran · 01/10/2008 18:55

LOL at Hauschkahels not wanting opinions and firstly posting on Mumsnet (because this is a site consisting entirely of people with opinions who come here to express them) and secondly considering adopting an ethnically different child (just wait until you have a child who doesn't look like you or your DH, there will be a veritable onslaught of comments, opinions and general staring).

Welcome Mulanmum, how long have you been lurking?

KristinaM · 01/10/2008 19:01

LOL @ Bran

Mulanmum · 01/10/2008 19:03

Thank you, Bran. Been lurking for about a year, just waiting til I was sufficiently opinionated and stroppy to post on Mumsnet. Now I must get on the AIBU board so that I can yell "yes, you are being unreasonable, you crack whore!" at all and sundry

bran · 01/10/2008 19:15

Oh, you're going to fit right in Mulanmum.

Kewclotter · 01/10/2008 19:25

How old is your DD Mulan? And vagueley where in the country are you? And have you seen my lovely boys montage (not that I'm pushing it down anyones face or anything!)

KristinaM · 01/10/2008 19:28

"montage" is wot posh people in london call piccys

Janni · 01/10/2008 19:33

Hauschkahels - my situation was a little similar to yours as we had two birth sons and wished to adopt a third child. SS were not particularly interested in us and the assessment process took a long time, but because we were able to take on a child with medical needs, we got ourselves matched quite quickly post-assessment, with a little girl of 2.8, from our local authority.

It's true that there are not many healthy babies up for adoption, but perhaps the fact that you want to adopt rather than have another birth child suggests that you would be open-minded about children who are in foster care in this country and who would thrive in your well-established family.

Just get yourself on the preparation/assessment path at this stage and as time goes on you will get a clearer picture of the best way to go to be matched with a child.

Original poster
hauschkahels · 01/10/2008 20:48

Many thanks for all the information I really appreciate it.

I have a very thick skin & the catty remarks made me pmsl , how funny that the people who wrote them think they are so witty- you all need to get out a bit more & don't forget to leave your soap boxes at home

Bran & Mulanmum you sound like really nice people!!!!!

OP posts:
Kewclotter · 01/10/2008 21:00

I can only speak for Bran and she is indeed a very nice person. (Mulan I quite like the cut of your gib, but can't really vouch for you!) hauschkahels I'm assuming you have the information you need now? Not much chance of geting these particular posters to share their experiences with you, I fear. Adoption threads are generally the least bitchy and most supportive of threads I have ever come across on MN. It might be good practice for your home study to reflect on why this one didn't turn out that way.

It might be worthwhile you learning to pretend that you have some interest in learning from others who have adopted before you, social workers are generally more pro people who appear to want to understand the potential (and myriad) issues in intercountry transracial adoptions.

None the less I'm happy to have been of some limited help to you, though you could have just googled all the "facts" given without actually having to deal with any real people's input.

Original poster
hauschkahels · 01/10/2008 21:14

Thanks Kewclotter!

OP posts:
Mulanmum · 01/10/2008 21:20

Lovely photos of your son, Kew. My DD is 4 years old and we live in Nottinghamshire.

bran · 01/10/2008 22:41

Adoptors have gallows humour hauschkahels, if you go through the adoption process you probably will too, it's the only way to keep sane. (And at the suggestion that I only think I'm witty BTW.] If you do progress down the adoption route various people will say truly annoying things and you will bite your tongue and promise to re-think your attitude because they have all the power and you have none. You may want to start practising now by pretending to laugh at my jokes.

I looooove you too Kew, you willfully irritating person you.

Janni · 01/10/2008 23:46

Yes, the SWs like you to describe yourself as having 'a good sense of humour', but God help you if you laugh at any of their lunacy.

You will have to endure several extra sessions, serving them cups of tea on your comfy sofa whilst they reeducate you.

KristinaM · 02/10/2008 14:36

LOL at you lot

Lenlen · 03/10/2008 09:14

I never thought adoption could take that long and hard process.

Megglevache · 03/10/2008 09:27

Me neither. You are all so amazing going through it.

We'd love to adopt a baby from India but have been frightened off at all of the negative stories of late, corrupt officials/orphanages/couples being ripped off and left heart broken.

Kew I saw you montage, he is a honey.

Megglevache · 03/10/2008 09:27

Oh and is it really much easier /quicker if you have pots of money?

bran · 03/10/2008 09:52

Having pots of money makes no difference at all, being American and having pots of money makes a huge difference.

Janni · 03/10/2008 11:52

Agree - it's being a rich American that swings it

Megglevache · 03/10/2008 11:54

Really? Why is that?

bran · 03/10/2008 12:00

Because Americans can go through the American adoption system even if they're living abroad, and thus completely bypass the UK system, an American adoption is recognised in the UK. The American system has a much quicker assessment process, and money does buy speed and 'better' children there. Americans can also go through the American system even if they're living outside American and adopting from another country also outside America, eg Madonna. Anyone adopting a UK child must go through the UK system if the child is looked after though, even if it's an adoption by a relative living abroad.

Janni · 03/10/2008 12:11

In the UK, rightly or wrongly, there is no way that Angelina Jolie would have been approved to adopt children from so many different countries, particularly if she was also planning to have subsequent birth childen.

Madonna would have to have given clear evidence of how she would help her adopted son make sense of his heritage, keep links with his home country and not feel like the odd one out in his new family. I am not sure that the American assessment process takes such issues into account.

Like I say though, rightly or wrongly - there is also an argument to say that the children adopted into these very wealthy, celebrity families are given unquantifiable opportunities. I'm sitting on the fence

sarahsmummy · 03/10/2008 12:25

Sorry if someone's said this before, but I have a friend of a friend who's just got a 2nd adoptive child from the Philippines - took about 2 years, and the children were both about 8 months old (one boy, one girl)