Gift for adoptive new parents

[Alwaysgrowing]

Hi,
My sister and her husband have applied to adopt a sibling group. They are partway through the process, it could be anytime from October onwards. When they do adopt I want to send them a gift hamper. I have kids myself so things I've thought of so far that could be suitable for any age are

The night night game. A card game suitable for children, theoretically from birth onwards. Includes pictures of bedtime routines. My 7 year old loves it.

A waterproof mattress protector- you can not have too many...

Nice Coffee for parents. My brother in law is a particular coffee fan.

Any other ideas?

Thanks ☺️

How thoughtful! Do you know the age ranges already?

Some ideas here:

• A blank journal or photo book for them to start saving/recording their new family memories?
• A family crafting kid/activity (such as something they build together or paint together that they keep and that holds a sentimental value)
• Games for the kids and treats for your sister and her husband (either beauty/self care or food related).
• Soft toys / comforter blankets for each child with their name on it? or other personalised gift. Big books with collections of bedtime stories, one for each child?
• If they are going to be first-time parents, "Mum" and "Dad" items (mugs, aprons, towels...)
• A nice family experience (tickets to a activity, attraction, event...)?

• a "welcome home" or "Congratulations" card.

I hope it helps!

Some great ideas already. Keep in mind that adopted children may present as younger than their chronological age, so something to keep in mind when choosing toys and activities. I would try to focus on gifts that will get the family off on the right foot as a family unit and give it to the parents before the children arrive, rather than specific welcome gifts for each child, which can be overwhelming and counter productive when the children are trying to settle in their new home. Do spoil the parents and acknowledge their becoming parents. This is what I would go for:

• Open-ended, generic resources like stocks of paints, coloured paper/card, glue sticks and other craft materials
• Play doh for younger children.
• one of those jars layered with cookie mix that you only have to add an egg to, some fun shaped cookie cutters and a silicone baking tray
• A set of universally loved children's books. I'd probably go for a Julia Donaldson set if the children are still young enough to enjoy her stories. Or bedtime stories - Goodnight moon is good for small children, and What will you dream of tonight? is such a lovely book for about 4+.
• Consider what could make their lives easier in those early days - perhaps something along the lines of a Hello Fresh or Deliveroo voucher
• a pass for a local farm or similar
• a 'mum' and 'dad' gift like mugs, as above
• definitely a card

Thanks, great ideas. We actually have far too much craft stuff so might declutter in that area!

We don't know their ages. I haven't spoken to my sister in a while, last time I did they'd put in their application, but not yet gone into details on ages. I think as they were doing their research they changed their mind from wanting a newborn to an older baby, maybe around 18 months, and an older sibling.

What a lovely thought. My sister sent me flowers when my two came home - because every new mum should get flowers. Other gifts that still hold dear to me is the family photo shoot that colleagues gave us - it had a long expiry date so we could wait til the kids were settled and those early photos are very precious. We had some really nice books, good for story time, and still live on our book case. Another friend organised a meal and laundry train, so for the first two weeks a different friend dropped off an evening meal and picked up laundry for us. That was an absolute godsend with two very scared, Velcro children. Another friend bought some garden toys, which came in very handy with a summer placement.

Remember to celebrate them becoming parents, they’ve had a long road to get there.

as @Jellycatspyjamas said

' Remember to celebrate them becoming parents, they’ve had a long road to get there.'

flowers delivered are lovely,
it's what so many people do when a mum comes home from hospital with a baby

Yes, I know they've had a long road. No idea how much longer they have either. It's now postponed until at least after October as they have a family wedding then. They would have had children naturally if they could without intervention, a similar time to me and my eldest is 8. After they decided on the adoption pathway they have to make sure everything in their life is perfect, eg moved house, no upcoming big events etc. Not like me... They just let me take my baby home, no panels, essays to write etc.

We live the other side of the country so I can't help practically so a hamper is my thought. Maybe a couple of sticker books. I'm not sure about clothes...as I don't know their sizes and maybe best locally.

Also, they are eco-concious. I've got a bit of a reusable nappies obsession. I could send a couple I've not actually used...They would probably have used them if the had birth children. However, my 2nd I didn't use reusables. I tried when he was older baby and he hated the feel of them as he wasn't familiar. So probably, an adopted child in nappies would need familiarity of the nappies he's used it. But I guess there's no harm gifting a couple of I want to bulk out the Hamper a bit.

Now I'm sad I didn't get flowers as a new mum, but I got lots of other presents.

Have they actually been approved to adopt i.e. been to adoption panel
and have they actually been matched with children ?

As I am surprised it has been postponed until October - because of a family wedding ?

There are lots of great ideas here. As you say good to be wary about reusable nappy stuff. The recommendation will usually be to use the same brand or type as birth parents and foster parents. Its a big enough shift for tiny ones that keeping the basics - food, routine, clothing - going helps them to settle. I was desperate to be eco with our tiny one, but we had birth parent contact time 3 times a week, and the social workers advised that they would not be able to manage reusables so I put that aspiration aside. Over time after a year and adoption was complete, I changed the brand to something super Eco (Kit and Kin).

I’d avoid clothes or nappies. The children may come with a lot of their own stuff (my two had loads of clothes) and they needed familiar things. When they did need clothes, I really wanted to dress my own children.

They may have a lot of things from foster carers, so try to give things that your sister needs or wants. Once she knows the ages of the children there may be specific things they need when setting up bedrooms etc.

I’d buy something as a token minder - cards, flowers, meal service and wait until the children are home and starting to settle. The early weeks and months with siblings is very hard work, and your sister might have a better idea of what might be stage appropriate as they adjust to their new family.

We were given several ‘just eat/uber eats’ vouchers which I thought was weird until LO was here and we were exhausted at the end of the day.

Flowers for me were appreciated, as was a blank photo album which we filled using free prints every month or so.

My best friend sent us matching Christmas PJs at the start if our first December. Not something I would have chosen but it focused on doing something ‘as a family’ and LO loved it.

The other things which really went down well were vouchers to family day out places (farms etc), not new but ‘hand me down’ children books and plants. LO loves the 2 plants that were gifted to him in a dinosaur and a turtle pot - they’ve been here as long as he has and I think they reassure him in some way.

As PP have said, I’d avoid clothes and toys initially - my LO came with enough stuff to clothe and entertain 3 children.

Lastly, not a gift but message every couple of weeks and be available to listen. Every adoptive parent I’ve met has felt pressure to love every moment/not struggle because we all went through a lot to get our dc home. Having someone you can message and say ‘LO had 2 tantrums today/ wouldn’t eat lunch/ rejected me all day and I feel crap/I'm doing a rubbish job/ this isn’t what i thought it would be like’ and who responds ‘I know, children can be hard but you’re doing really well’ or even (my personal favourite response from bff) ‘true but toddler are dicks, short for dictators, and that’s nothing to do with adoption, they’re all like it’ 😂 made me feel a lot less rubbish and lonely.

Thanks all. I feel like a crappy sister as we haven't actually spoken properly in ages. So I don't know if they've gone through the panel. I doubt they've been matched. At the end of last year they said towards the end of 2026. I've heard most things through my mum. She's talked to a social worker. I think they had a home visit then moved to the next stage with different social workers....Eg, to begin with, it could be anytime from july. Then the family wedding was announced for October so they've postponed to after that. I'm just thinking ahead for presents as I know a colleague who had a lot of preparation, but then they were matched and given the child very quickly. That was a foster to adopt scheme and the 7 month baby came straight from birth parents. Then they adopted about a year later. I'm not sure if my sister will be the same....I should talk to her.

If they haven’t been approved yet you’ve got time. It may be worth checking in with your sister, postponing an approval panel for 6 months for a wedding isn’t normal so she may be feeling quite stressed and might appreciate the support. Even if they are approved in October, they won’t have a child move in before Christmas so you’ve got time to support her without worrying about gifts just yet.

If they were sharing with family 'any time from July', perhaps they do have approval panel scheduled for July, and that may still go ahead. For context, op, the approval stage works to a fairly strict statutory timeframe, which is not usually deviated from without good reason, or unless the prospective adopters choose to take a break.

Once adopters have been through approval panel that's when they move into matching and this stage is the proverbial length of a piece of string, taking anywhere from a month to well over a year. If they are expecting to be approved in July, I can see why, between the social worker and the prospective adopters they have probably discussed the family event in October (because, believe me, no stone is left unturned), and concluded that placing a child in that short period between July and October is a) unlikely and b) not in anyone's interest due to the upheaval around the wedding.

At this stage it will all be hypothetical anyway. With the timeframes you've mentioned you are very easily looking at a child/children being placed next year.

The adoption process takes a really long time and is full of soul-searching, uncertainties and a lot of waiting around. I was in the matching stage for about 18 months+, and it can be really hard when the people around you are getting excited on your behalf but for months on end you have no real 'news' to share. Imagine if you were trying to conceive and people were already picking out gifts for you.

So do talk to your sister and do show an interest, but please also be sensitive around the fact that they may be feeling anxious and frustrated over timeframes that, not only they can't control, they won't have clear sight of beyond the initial approval stage. And at the stage they are at currently (assuming pre-approval panel, but to an extent post-approval too) there is no guarantee that they will actually get to the point of having a child placed. Let her lead the conversation. If she is anything like me she will be guarding herself against getting too excited too early.

Thanks for the advice. I won't tell her I'm getting presents. I wasn't anyway. I'm pregnant myself so was thinking of getting it ready in advance so I don't just send nothing, which I have done before because I'm not organised. So that's an important fact. It can just stay in my cupboard. She decided to announce to wider family, cousins etc a couple of weeks ago as they can't make a get together in may due to the adoption process.

Maybe I'm naive, but they are in a subjectivity ideal situation to have children, stable jobs, average parent age, good support network. They just don't have family local.

A bit more information on the stage. I checked the family group messages and they have the adoption panel date for mid July. I'm not sure this wedding will postpone that. They were advised to not apply until ready, as in after they moved house but the wedding is a close family one, announced this year.

There are usually two panels, the first is the approval panel which decides whether they are approved to adopt at all - there’s no reason why a family wedding would be a barrier to that going ahead because nothing materially changes at that panel.

Once children have been identified and the matching process (deciding if your sister/partner would be a good parent for this particular child) there is a matching panel to sign off that decision. At this point things move quite quickly, with planning, introductions and the children moving in. This could possibly be moved pending a family wedding, though I’d be more likely to go ahead with the panel and plan introductions for after the wedding.

It’s not a straightforward process and different local authorities do things differently, but there’s no point in buying gifts until you know the ages of the children that she’s actually being matched with. It’s not unusual to think you want a younger infant and actually come home with a pre-schooler.

Wait until they have been matched with children and you know the sex and age.

Not clothes, they will come with some, and then the APs will want the fun of choosing themselves (at least we did).

It's the approval panel that is/was July. I think this issue is in getting information 2nd hand, from my mum who said something like it could be anytime from july but my sister doesn't think it will be that quick. I think some parent focused gifts can be got in advance without knowing the age.

My mum had a friend who adopted from Romania or Russia in the 80s, or 90s it's very different to the process now.

It might be months. We had 18 months between approval and matching.