Give it to me straight - what are the chances of being able to adopt in these circumstances?

[wizzspritz]

We have three kids, currently aged 7, 6 and 3. I was hoping to go through the adoption process when the youngest turns 5. Each child will have their own room.

I currently work with kids who are in the care system. My husband hasn’t had experience with kids other than our own kids (other than our kids’ friends).

We both have stable jobs.

No red flags so far… what would be your motivation to adopt? They will also look at your support network, health, finances, returning back to work (part time ? ) etc etc
they will ask for references too- character references and also from your children’s school/health

You sound a good candidate with your knowledge of care experienced children. The impact on your birth children would need careful consideration as an adoptive child will bring many challenges. This should be explored during your assessment.

Nothing in what you’ve written that would stop you and assuming you know what some of the challenges may be given that you work with LAC.

I guess my Q’s would be around what context you work with them in & how that translates into welcoming a traumatised child into your lives, how your other children would feel when the new child demands all of your time, energy & patience & how you would feel about not being able to give your current children the same level of attention you do now.

how would you deal with it if your adopted child hurts your birth children?

I Have a friend who worked in the care system also , she had to completely change jobs after adopting as it all just felt too personal & she felt she couldn’t maintain the needed level of professional detachment that for her protected her prior to adopting. worth considering.

would you have to work if your adopted child needed you at home full time or couldn’t attend school could you do this??

not saying any of this because I think you shouldn’t just food for thought. There’s lots of previous threads on here about adopting with birth children. I haven’t so can’t advise specifically but I know from others it impacts everyone and adds complexities to an already complex situation!

make sure your dp understands the realities of adoption before starting the process

My belief is that people should adopt because we're desperate for a child in our lives.
Your post reads like you want to save one of the kids.
That's not a strong enough reason imo.
You have 3 kids - could you give birth to another.
Adopted children need so much - and you can only give them 1/4 of your attention. Plus when the older ones hit GCSEs you will have a 5 year old who will probably soak up their attention.
You want a young child - but there are so many in the pool hoping for young children and they don't have 3 kids to look after.
Sorry that's blunt but you asked for honest feedback.
Keep doing an amazing job