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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Any experiences of adopting later in life and being an older parent

6 replies

06mum06 · 30/04/2026 19:15

Due to a very very long story, I have adopted at 50 years old, my child is 20 months.
So many doubts and questions have come flooding into my head about the challenges my son will face, let alone having an older mother. I was so excited and keen and I am now wracked with guilt. I guess I just wanted to know that I was not alone in being an older parent.

OP posts:
Ladybug777 · 30/04/2026 22:17

First, congratulations! Adoption is a long and emotional journey. Motherhood too, at any age :) I didn't want to leave your message unanswered. Although I don't have a similar experience to share, I wanted to send you some friendly and supporting vibes. Yes there are going to be challenges, like in every parenthood journey, don't be too hard on yourself and enjoy this blissful time with your son.
Do you have a partner? a strong support system of family/friends in the area?

JammieDodgerDunker · 01/05/2026 09:02

Adoptee here, I was adopted by older parents. I got bullied horrendously at school for saying my they were my parents and not grandparents. Dad died when I was 16, mum threw me out at 17 but a few years later needed me back to take her shopping, hospital appointments etc. As the years went on she became very dependant on me. She passed away a few years ago but I resent the fact I spent many more years caring for her than she ever did for me. This is just my experience though and I hope things work out for you and your little one.

VashonJ · 01/05/2026 09:08

I’m not in the exactly the same position as you but I do understand all the guilt. I felt so much guilt in the first couple of years, guilt I’m not enough (single adoptor) guilt about how much my child was grieving, the list goes on. Adoption is so emotionally tough. Try and give yourself a break. Wishing you so much luck and happiness together.

mumof2many1943 · 01/05/2026 16:07

Congratulations!
I was 65 when our youngest AD age 3 was placed with us, SS approached us! She did have complex medical needs and learning disabilities. I think they approached us as I was a paediatric nurse.
She is now nearly 21 and I have no regrets!
Just enjoy your little one.

sunshineandskyscrapers · 01/05/2026 23:23

Yes, mum guilt is a real thing, and if it wasn't this you'd feel guilty about something else. This is part of being a mum. Also feelings of doubt and uncertainty after adopting are massively common, regardless of age. Post-adoption depression is also a thing too.

I adopted a 12-month old when I was forty. In my adoption group I was one of the younger ones, and I am by no means the oldest mum at school pick-up. Women are having children later. A friend of mine birthed her second child when she was 48. Your age is not as unusual as you think, particularly when you look more at adopters than birth mums.

The guilt is not helping you here. You need to put your energy into providing a safe base for your child. Even a child that age will pick up on your feelings of uncertainty.

It is what it is. You are not going to be able to change your age, so crack on with being the best parent you can be, and try to take yourself back to all the reasons you chose to do this. Toddlers are full on in terms of needing your energy, but as they get older, you don't need to be keeping up with them the whole time.

Build your support network and create the village your child needs with you at the heart of it. Whether that is friends, family, neighbours, nursery, childminder, school mums, sports clubs, church - when you come to realise you don't need to do this alone, it all becomes much easier. Good luck!

MrsMatty · 02/05/2026 13:07

Another adoptee here. When I was adopted as a tiny baby, my mum was 46 and dad was 49. I had a fabulous childhood- although my parents were older than usual, they were young at heart and energetic. Also, being older they were financially stable. I was an only child but we had a big extended family, so plenty of cousins to play with, as well as friends. The only downside to having older parents was that my dad died when I was 20 and after that, my mum gradually developed dementia. That was very hard. However, these things can happen to anyone. I honestly think there are plenty of benefits to having older parents. I hope all goes well for you and your little one xx

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