Adopted son anxious about growing into a man, how to support?

[Nel81]

Hi, just wondering if anyone has been through anything similar? My son has stated several times he doesn't want to become a man. It's not from a transgender view point but from a place (in his mind and from his experiences) that men are not safe or trustworthy. He had an amazing foster carer (father) and has had great male teachers in the last two years of school. He still says last year's (male) teacher is his best friend. He's always been wary of men and it takes a while to accept one but now he's getting upset about getting older, growing a beard and getting a deep voice, and he doesn't want it to happen. We've got a few years before things will start changing (he's 7) but I want him to feel comfortable being a boy / becoming a man. Any ideas? Thanks

My only thought is a book about growing up might be helpful so he can think it through in a scientific rather than emotional way?I got a book called 'The boys guide to growing up' for my son before he got to puberty to read,just left it with him and used it to talk about things.maybe a help to talk things through?

Does he have any therapy? That would be a reason to see a therapist.

But I think there is a bigger issue for boys adopted or not. Our neighbour's son was a very talented footballer and was having trials with big clubs - he is 19 and has given it all up now, and the reason he gave was that he doesn't like being among the men, that he doesn't relate to them, doesn't want to be like them. So maybe not as unusual as you imagine

My daughter was scared of growing up and "misbehaving". At the time, I emphasised that we inherit potential from our parents, so we might inherit that we get on well with people and that we can use this potential to trick others, or to support them and become great therapists. Maybe that could be helpful?

I would also emphasise that he is a great boy and why should that change? He will remain himself, just become more mature and you will guide and support him and let him know when he goes off track.

This may also potentially have something to do with very early physical feelings that he is scared of. I would normalise that. Or with seeing online porn? That can be very anxiety provoking. The first time this came up for us was in Year 3.