Teenage hygiene

[Jellycatspyjamas]

My lovely DS turned 13 at the start of the year. He’s always needed persuading to take a shower, wash hair etc but recently it’s become impossible. He dodges soap at every opportunity - to the point of standing in the shower, getting wet and coming back out again. I’ve tried negotiating back to a shower every other day, bought different products, scented and unscented, tried emollient creams, you name it I’ve done it but he just won’t shower. Tried negotiating a wash at the sink, or a bath. He says he likes his own smell (eau de teenage boy).

He’s starting was badly neglected in infancy and part of me wonders if it’s trauma showing up as a lack of self care.

can’t force him to shower nor can I stand and watch him in there but he needs to have at least a minimum standard of cleanliness. He’s also awaiting assessment for ADHD so there may be sensory issues or executive functioning difficulties at play.

He’s starting to get eczema which I’m sure is partly due to poor skin care. Any suggestions?

My teen was exactly the same (similar back story) until got a girlfriend!
Not much help sorry but now he showers every day and actually buys own toiletries.

I have a son with autism/ADHD ,(not adopted). He refused to shower at that age, and had always been reluctant - needing a lot of prompting, and it was a sensory thing. He felt the cold air and the sensation of the shower water as uncomfortable. He felt safer dressed. We did try letting him shower in a teeshirt and shorts - he thought that was hilarious and it did make him feel more confident about the When he did start showering properly a year later he went to the other extreme and wouldn't get out for 30 mins...the bathroom floor would be flooded! This is still the case at 23 - he loves showers and baths.

My hack would be to possibly
try taking him swimming three times a week and just avoid showers at home.

Slowly he will enjoy "water". Mine first started enjoying baths at home then showers followed. Then they started all arguing over who used the shower first in the mornings and we didnt look back! Then we had to stagger who showered in the morning or the evening. Sheer competition. We have had no problems with self care in either son since about 14; I think the peer pressure is also to be very clean.
But it does seem be linked with feeling independent, like choosing your own clothes etc.

Shower every day for my soap dodging teen. Reluctantly it became a routine rather than a conversation about why shower tomorrow is better. Even if he doesnt do a great job it is a start.

Perhaps ask him if he prefers sponge or facecloth or puffer to wash with as well as type of soap.

If he doesn't like the sensation of water, he could use body wipes. You get big ones for elderly / disabled people. Chewing gum if he won't clean his teeth.

Sounds tough, mine are both still pretty puberty, I do worry about what it may be like though. The palaver to just brush their teeth and have a wash is genuinely draining and filled with screaming and shouting, no matter what I've tried.

Sorry if this is a silly suggestion but is he affected in anyway by peer-pressure, and if so is there an older teen counsin who might invite him swimming and offer him his shower gel after when they're in the shower, or that sort of thing? Cadets is also good at teaching hygiene, but i also can't imagine they are particularly trauma informed.

Swimming is a good idea, he loves swimming and anything involving water ironically enough but we can’t go often enough for that to be his only wash/shower. It’s wholly possible it’s a teenage thing rather than a trauma thing, but with adopted kids you have to try and consider every angle.

He does have a good group of friends so I’ve tried the “what do your friends do” type chat but he’s not easily pressured into things (which I know will pay dividends as he becomes more independent.

It would be great if it just became part of his daily routine but he’s a long way away from that. I’ll look at big “baby” wipes, we had success with waterless shampoo so something not water based might do for basic cleanliness.

He’s always been the easier child so I’ve been a bit thrown by this road bump. Hopefully he’ll get to adulthood without smelling like a gym locker.