Falsely accused of abuse

[Fairylightsarego]

Hello,

I don’t really know what I am looking for with posting this but maybe just getting it out will be therapeutic.

My adopted son aged16 years old who I adopted when he was 3 has reported me to the police for child abuse and neglect. I believe this is because I read him the riot act for not attending school and stealing from me.

I was arrested and released on bail whilst his accusations are investigated.

Some of the things he has accused me of are frankly ludicrous and easily proved false. Other things less so such as hitting him in the face. I can’t believe I have been arrested merely on his say so!

I realise that adopted children and their trauma can lead to such things but this has completely blind sighted me. Me and his dad are divorced so he has gone to live with him and my younger son is only allowed with me supervised. My younger so. Had told the police the allegations are rubbish and is very cross with his brother.

I am broken and feel like my life is over. I work with children so have been suspended on no pay.

I have instructed a solicitor who feels a charge is unlikely but said it may take months to be resolved! Meanwhile I can’t pay the bills!

if anyone has any advice it would be gratefully received. I really can not see a way forward with regards to a relationship with my son in the future and his Dad said he is in disbelief that this is happening.

Thank you for reading

Hi. How very stressful for you. I would suggest you join the Potato Group, which is for parents of the most challenging adopted teenagers. People there will have direct experience x

Thank you I will have a look at this group

I'm so sorry @Fairylightsarego , what a terrible situation.

In addition to the potato group I would recommend PATCH on Facebook, and it's worth creating a Facebook account just to access these groups if you aren't usually on social media. There are several people in PATCH who are in the same situation as you and although the main focus is advocacy and policy, there is lots of peer support too.

Does you son have/is suspected to have FASD? Confabulation is a significant feature and it could be useful to inform your solicitor about the effect that both trauma and fasd have when it comes to false allegations.

@Fairylightsarego

Welcome to the very special club that no one wants membership to! Sorry, I don’t mean to be facetious. I have been there. In January 2024, I was arrested on a (false) allegation of common assault by my AD1. Six officers came to my street. I was detained in custody for 21 hours, interviewed under caution with a duty solicitor present before being released on bail, to actually not live in my house. Fortunately for me, the police investigation was over in a couple of days (because I didn’t do it!) and I was allowed home but then a S47 child protection investigation was triggered, a child protection conference held and my two ADs were put on child protection plans for three months. My physical and mental health have never recovered. My AD1 no longer lives at home. Please join the Adoption Disruption & Breakdown group on FB. Too many of us have been through this ordeal. I know how absolutely gut-wrenching this is and how scared and wretched you will be feeling.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.
I’ve no experience of this, and I know you already have a solicitor but on the BBC File on 4 investigation in December there was a lawyer who specialises in adoption and this exact situation - his name was Damien Dobson at JWP Solicitors.
There is also some good advice on confabulation on the Families Rising website - https://wearefamiliesrising.org/resource/false-allegations/
Good luck x

Yes, I should have recommended Damien Dobson, he is brilliant. He can’t help with any police investigations as he is not a criminal lawyer but he can help you navigate securing a s20, if that is what you want.

Can I suggest you read this new guidance from. https://logosbound.com/childrens-social-care-1

and I too would suggest Damien as a starting point.