Placing newborn for adoption

[ByCandidGuide]

Uk based - im due to give birth in March, and I’m thinking of looking at giving the baby up for adoption. This is a very touchy subject.
I currently have a 7 year old, her dad’s side are involved but they do disappear sometimes, they help while I work and if I’m sick and so on and I also get maintenance etc etc.

Anyway this new baby I feel like it’s going to really effect me mental health and my future. This baby won’t have a dad or a side of family to help. He’s a criminal and won’t ever be allowed near and I’ve gone through hell because of him and I feel like he’ll never stop as long as I’ve got his child. I got a Claire’s law check on him and oh wow he’s crazy. I’m really scared about what if I can’t go back to work because childcare issues, I’m not going to get the help I have now with my current child, I really just dread everything and I’m so so scared as my life the last the last 7 years with my current child has been so easy and amazing what if it ruins it all and places us in a mess. I’m just really trying to think what’s best for my mental health and financial wellbeing in the future.
I don’t know if it’s too late to be making this decision but it’s all I can think about everyday, the more closer I get to my due date the more scared I am and more depressed I’m getting when I should be excited but I’m not.
Maybe it’ll all work out and it’ll be the best thing ever and my child will have a sibling and I’ll work it out but what if I don’t and it messes my life up and my mental health. I really do need some advice. I do have a support system but it isn’t fair on them, I can’t just rely on them all the time as what if I’m let down etc etc, I am also aware of the 30 hours free childcare when the baby is 9 months

@ByCandidGuide

Hello, you have such a lot going on there, its not surprising that you are feeling overwhelmed.
Have you spoken to your midwife? They should be able to help you find support.
Does the father know about the baby? If not then he doesnt need to know and don't put his name on the birth certificate.

If you want to consider adoption seriously then you need to contact social services. You should know that social services will try everything to keep children within the birth family so they will contact relatives, including the father if you identify him.
How would you feel if some one in your family came forward to adopt or long term foster the baby.
Its also not that easy to just give a baby up for adoption. The process is long and involves assessments, reports and a court process. You could change your mind at any point.
This next bit is not intended to make you feel guilty or persuade you one way or the other, but adoption would have a profound effect on you, your baby and your existing child. At the heart of adoption is trauma and loss and this will impact all three of you long into the future. As an adoptive mum, I believe the best place for a child is with their birth family as long as they are loved and cared for.
Over the years there have been a number of women in similar situations come here for support. I think all of them kept their babies because at the end of the day its incredibly hard to give up a baby you just gave birth to.
They found a way to muddle through.

You are in a very difficult position. Don't judge yourself too harshly. Don't make decisions in haste.
Do look after yourself. Get as much information you can and find someone to talk to in real life. Keep talking here if you need to.

Have you considered kinship or fictive kinship care?.

I felt the same. My husband essentially left me and our three children and me when he found out our fourth had Down syndrome. It was sooooo hard in the moment, but six years later I'm infinitely glad I pushed through. Seriously considered adoption, but changed my mind a week before birth. I remember I was having second thoughts for the first six months. But it all passed.