Foster to adopt uncertainty

[Magicmoneky]

Hi all,

We already have 1 adopted son, we have been in the process of adoption a second unrelated child, who was placed in Dec under foster to adopt.

The period between being linked with the child, and her moving in was very short, and since transitions the Match feels wrong for many reasons

Her needs are being meet, but we are struggling to bond with her, and feel a connection to her.

this feels very different to how we felt about our son, we have been offered counselling to talk it though, but I can’t get away from the overwhelming feeling that this was wrong for our family

Has anyone else experienced this? I’m so worried that keeping her we just fall into a trap of normal surviving and we have a child that we are not fully committed too

Have you discussed this with your social worker? What did they say?

Same position as you have a DS5 and about 5 months in to an EP placement with DD1. It was hard at first and facilitating contact etc made it more tricky to see her as ours. We were such a settled family before going through the process again which traumatised us all but now we are getting in to our stride and we just love her.

It definitely felt different this time round but we are now very happy, it just took some time. Speak with your social worker and go easy on yourselves. It's so normal to feel like your babysitting someone elses child in the early days.

Thanks for the replies, yes we have been very honest with the social workers, and they have suggested some counselling but no idea how long this will take.

we have felt even since transitions that this didn’t feel right for our family, and we wish we spoke up earlier. I just feel so emotionally disconnected from her, and there is a huge part of me that jus wants to end it to save any more heartache for all