As much as we love our LOs, Im willing to bet most of us have found the school holidays pretty relentless with all the "parenting plus". Alongside some very happy, cosy and nice memories we have also had near constant arguing, backchat, over stimulation, dysregulatuon, the usual self sabotage of anything nice and the push/pull of needing us constantly one minute and then pushing us away the next. 6 years in always persevering with our attempt to therapeutically parent and things are gradually improving when I look back on previous years particularly since DS7 is now in a much better trauma informed specialist school suited to him. BUT I am exhausted, tearful and I have to admit been feeling quite resentful and jealous of other "typical" parents where your kids love for you is a taken for granted and doesn't feel like its always being pulled away from you.
Promise im not as downbeat as I perhaps sound. It's just a lot. Husband has ans probably always will be the favourite. Partly personality, partly trauma and the inevitable mental block caused by loss of birth mum which in my good days I entirely understand, but some days like today its hard not to feel excluded. Im default parent, take on a lot.of the mental load, am the one for emotional comfort but dont get much of the affection or interest back. Just a handgold really to see if anyone else has struggled this holiday and if anyone else is allowing themselves to wallow in a little irrational self pity this holiday?!