Meeting long lost family.

[Chickencuddle]

Ive never been adopted but I was in foster care and lost touch with most of my family and willingly estranged from most. Im meeting my cousin whi I havnt seen for 20 years. Im really really nervous. What if she doesnt like me. What do I talk about. I often freeze in situations where im scared or nervous and im worried this will happen. Im not interesting funny or pretty. She is all of these things and more. Has anyone been through this or had someone close to them go through this?
Thanks

It can help to talk to them like you would to a friend or a colleague from work. Try to take pressure off yourself and enjoy the time together, if your cousin wants to meet you it shows she alread has an interest in you, so don't worry about being "less than" or compare yourself negatively to her. Try to find common interests, things you both like doing, etc.

It can be very helpful to outline what you expect from meeting her. Relatives can be tricky to navigate due to societal pressure to love them and get along. But we're all our own people and not carbon copies of each other, it's fine to take it step by step and see how things develop; pressure for everything to go well and be picture perfect does more harm than good.

Best of luck!

I was adopted and met up with my birth family when in my 30s (but not my birth mother as she had died before I found the family). What I found helped was taking along a few photos of myself as a child, just so that we had something to focus on and talk about if need be. As PP says, just be yourself and try not to worry. You and your cousin are interested in meeting up with each other, so that’s a good start. Hope all goes well xx

I would tell her that you are looking forward and are excited, but that you are also nervous. Taking photos along is a great idea. Maybe you suggest that she brings some too?

You have had a difficult childhood. You have had to worry and think deeply about things most others take for granted, and you are self-aware. You don't need to feel insecure, you clearly have depth.

Good luck!