Christmas

[Seahorsesplendour]

Good evening all!! Just wanted to say Happy Christmas & I hope you have all had some special moments!!

we’ve had the trickiest & most exhausting Christmas together yet (7 years in!) but expected it & very much a reflection of where we are in general with lots of change & evolving challenges.

However, we have also had some incredibly touching moments , he has squealed with joy over at least 5 of his presents! He has laughed multiple times, he hasn’t once questioned why Santa gave him incredible toys & signed his basket ball.

he has shown joy at our reactions to presents he helped choose & he is asleep now so we get some time to chill.

didn’t want to bring people down tonight, we’re having a rocky patch but also holding on to how incredibly lucky we are to have this little fellow causing us chaos & occasional heartbreak!

fellow adopters we’ve got this! Wishing you all some peaceful & happy moments this Christmas 🎄💞

@Seahorsesplendour

I'm glad you had some wonderful time.

Sorry there are also stressful times.

My only advice re difficult patches is get some support, ask for post adoption support if you need it, perhaps even before you need it. Because it takes time to come together. Good luck.

@Italiangreyhound thank you ❤️

thankfully we’ve got all the right services involved including post adoption support and feel well supported, just no easy solutions 💐

hope everyone has a lovely Boxing Day!

Happy Christmas @Seahorsesplendour, I’m glad you had some lovely moments. It’s such a balancing act - making it special without rocking the boat.

We’re 8 years in and yesterday was lovely. My kids were pleased and appreciative of their gifts, have some thoughtful gifts to their dad and I and had a lovely time. We’ve had some rocky patches too but all in all they’re growing into thoroughly decent young people.

Merry Christmas @Seahorsesplendour , @Italiangreyhound @Jellycatspyjamas

and all fellow adopters and foster carers.
We have had a nice couple of days.
My big boy is home from uni. Fosterling had family time on Christmas eve. We went to a lights trail in the evening.
Everyone loved their presents. I won't need to buy chocolate until Easter!

Today I feel like I've been hit by a truck. The lead up to Christmas has been very stressful because of fosterlings behaviour. My mum is also very poorly and being looked after mostly by my not much better stepdad.
This will be their last Christmas in their own home, if not my mums last Christmas. She is suffering and in great pain and I just want her to be at peace now. We will see her on Sunday and get wheels in motion for care in the new year.

I'm so sorry @Ted27

Thinking of you all.

@Italiangreyhound

Thank you. They are both 82. My mum has had a happy 2nd marriage of 40 years. She has seen her children and grandchildren grow up and establish themselves and even collected some great grandchildren. She is a Christian and has faith she is going to a better place. Her decline has been quite rapid but she really has no quality of life left.

My personal view is that she has a complete life, its come full circle and that modern medicine does us no favours at times

@Jellycatspyjamas im so glad you all had a good day 🤗 it’s so awsome to see them grow & change isn’t it!! I’m glad you’re rocking it!!!

we’ve had a more settled day today very grounding & calm yet active! Playing with new football goal , boxing music pads which are awsome & air hockey!

@Ted27 im glad your son is home & that the 3 of you have had some nice times! So sorry about your mom! She sounds amazing and lucky to have really lived a long & happy life! Be kind to yourself … still a hard time & emotional rollercoaster!!

Totally agree about modern medicine, mostly it’s such a blessing but sometimes dr’s find it so hard to say enough is enough and let someone go with dignity . Hugs to you & yours 💞

@Ted27 yes, it is hard.

My mother in law is nearly 90 and in a care home.

I'm a Christian too. So is my MIL.

It's lovely to hear about the nice moments others have had 🤗

We've also had a good Christmas, and by far the best one so far. I do feel a bit guilty and callous but my situation was helped enormously by a family member becoming very unwell and being sectioned last week, which meant some wider family weren't in the Christmas spirit and others were too busy to bother with us.

So we did it our way, just me and my girls. Went to church on Christmas day, then home for fish fingers and chips for dinner, in the afternoon we watched cbbc and went to the park. I unwrapped all their presents and have been giving them one a day for the last week or so, and any presents I think they wouldn't like have been listed on vinted or will go to the charity shop, this has massively reduced damand and meant they actually played with and really liked some presents. Everyone is happy, Christmas day is done and we're already half way through the school holidays!!

I just need to remember to really put my foot down with family next year keep it to just us three

I would say adopted children have a better christmas than ordinary kids.

@Pryceosh1987

How do?

@Pryceosh1987 ordinary kids ????????

not sure I’ve met one of those.,,,,,

choosing to not comment on the rest of your statement

hope you enjoyed your Christmas tipple …

I'm looking forward to spending the day with my extraordinary kid.

@Seahorsesplendour I’m glad to hear you had a nice Christmas despite a rocky period and that you had some special moments within that time despite the challenges.

@Beetham I am glad you had a nice Christmas and it’s not callous to be glad that a relative is getting the help they need. People are not sectioned unless absolutely needed and I hope they recover well.

@Ted27 I am so glad to hear that your big boy is home and you had a nice Christmas despite the circumstances. I am so sorry about your mum. It’s soul destroying to watch someone you love suffer so much. Sending you love and strength.

as for me- as a birth mum and a mum (my eldest was removed and adopted my youngest is currently playing with his basketball hoop in front of me) Christmas is of course a rollercoaster of emotions. Firstly I am thankful for my second chance- my youngest boy but I also feel a deep sadness that I was unable to give my eldest what he so desperately needed and deserved. I also feel forever thankful to my eldests parents. This year is the first year with no contact so that has also hit really hard and has been challenging to navigate my own emotions around that and how I handle it.

I hope all of you on this board- adopters adoptees and birth parents had a nice Christmas

@OurChristmasMiracle I can imagine the mixed feelings you have about your eldest, it’s a particular kind of grief to know your child is out there somewhere. I hope you and your youngest have a really lovely break over the festive season.

I’m pretty sure I posted on a similar thread last year to say it was my LO’s first Christmas with us and we’d pushed too hard to have ‘perfect family Christmas’ meaning LO was an unsettled and overwhelmed unhappy kid.

This year it’s been a completely different thing. We’ve been careful to mix time with both families and time on our own, out doing stuff and being at home relaxing.
LO is so much more settled this time around and you can see it in the way they’ve enjoyed it all and been bloody lovely - properly sweet and just all around happy. It’s been what we wanted for so long it’s made me a bit teary to watch and be part of <soppy, sorry>

Im well aware this is likely to change as LO gets older, and it wasn’t all great - we had our first set of contact letters to send and receive and that stirred up some hard feelings here. But we signed up for that and for now LO is too young to be effected by this stuff so we’re enjoying it while we can.

@Ted27 Im very sorry about your mum.
I would like to say thank you for the time you take when you post on this board. I don’t post often but I read and your responses are always so informative and balanced - you’ve helped here more than you know.

@OurChristmasMiracleI don’t know your story but I can only imagine it’s hard to have one child at home and one elsewhere, even if you’re accepting of them being adopted 💐

I have had great nicest Christmas since at least pre covid. DD2 coped with DD1 coming round for 3.5 hours (both adults) and put in a real effort, I think DD1 was trying hard too.
(A complicated back story over last 10 years)

@OurChristmasMiracle

How lovely to hear from you. And to hear you have your little one with you.

That is so great.

I hope Christmas has been good for all of you.

@OurChristmasMiracle

Lovely to hear from you. There will always be thoughts about what might have been.

Sadly not many birth parents have had your insight and determination to turn their lives around.
Know that there are people who admire your tenacity and are happy for you that you are grasping this chance

@Beetham

Glad your Christmas day was so good.

We had a nice day too. Church. Mulled wine. Presents. Lunch. Snooze in front of TV.

Watched Click and Collect. Very good.