FC died 4 years ago and no one told us!

[Namechangetry]

My DC have been with me 12 years, they were FCs first placement and she was their only FC(they were with her for a year). We visited twice when DC were younger, and I have been sending Xmas cards with DCs school photos in every year (now I feel terrible for the family that I've been addressing cards to FC, she died around Xmas time too). I checked Rightmove, the house came on the market recently so family have obviously still had it, so no security concerns just me feeling terrible about sending happy Xmas cards to her.

I was writing Xmas cards yesterday and googled obituaries to check an elderly ex neighbour hasn't died and I don't know what made me Google FC but I did, and I didn't find an obituary but a .gov page listing her as deceased and the date of death (4 years ago) and 'anyone with a claim on the estate' type stuff.

DC very rarely mention her, they don't have strong memories of her, so she's not likely to come up naturally for me to tell them. But I don't want to keep it from them. And I feel worse that she died 4 years ago, and they didn't know. It's be bad enough to say 'sad news, X has died' but it seems worse somehow to say 'btw, X died Xmas 2021, didn't know til yesterday'.

Has anyone dealt with anything similar?

You don't mention if she replied to you. If she didnt then maybe the family had no contact details for you.
Sorry I've no advice from experience I'm afraid,

Could you do a bit of life story work and tell them in that context?

No she didn't. The first time we visited her was after the 1st Christmas they were home, and I'd sent her a card that year and then when we visited FCs partner said he'd found her crying trying to write a card back so I said don't do it if it's hard. My DC were really loved and cared for and were her first placement.

After mine she took a break for a while to grieve then had 2 sets of sibs at once on long term FC, the older would be over 18 now but the younger of each set would be about 16 now and I partly think my DC will also want to know happened to them when FC died, they'd have been 12 ish. I've no way of knowing if they were with her or if she had a long illness and they had to move on, or if her partner took them on and they're still with him- my DC are likely to be unsettled by not knowing if those DC are safe or where they are, they played together when we visited.

FC had my number and email and would have had my address from intros but obviously that was years ago, she had a partner who worked away and 2 DC at uni when my DC were with her so they'd not likely have my contact info. So the family most likely wouldn't have been able to contact me, if they wanted to.

I really wish I had found out sooner.