do i have to keep everything

[seaskysand]

do i have to keep everything for DC?
there are the absolutely important gifts from her birth parents that are very special and safe. but a lot of toys came from them and foster parents and she is just not really attached to any of them - and her clothes - how much of them should i keep ? i feel overwhelmed by her stuff and worried that she would want me to keep it all for her when she grows up. any advice / perspectives. i don’t know if these things matter less than they did when i was growing up and there just wasn’t a lot of film / pictures of us - so things that i had seem more important - i’ve only got a few things from childhood

How long have you had your daughter? If she has just been placed, I would keep clothes that fit and all toys and presents for the moment. Once outgrown, I would get rid of all clothes apart from one set that she wore when you first met her, or some other important occasion, and possibly her favourite dress or t-shirt or whatever. After a few months, I would go through the toys with her and pass on any she doesn't care about.

We have a memory box the size of a small suitcase and have kept one set of clothes, their first dance shoes, many cards, some entrance tickets, a mug we made together during introductions and a few artworks. For my children (now 18 and 19), photos and videos are most important. We have tons and they look at them regularly.

I totally identify with this sense of overwhelm! We did early permanence and had mountains of things from Birth Mum, including multiples of the same toy, and outfits in several sizes. I just applied the same logic that I would with a birth child. Gradually passing things on as she grew out of them, keeping the really special things- outfit she wore on day we met her, toy that was in her cot - in her memory box. But due to space it is just one box. We have tonnes of photos of various toys and outfits, but due to space in a small flat we can't keep more. I think our child will be okay with that.

thanks so much both - sorry i forgot to say @onlytherainthat she has been with us for 1.5 years and is 4 now - so settled in and therefore my rigorous the first period of “i must keep everything /not change anything “ is past - thanks so much both for the fast reply - i have a strange anxious about it all

We’ve kept the outfit he came home in, his favourite shoes that he came with (more so we can see how small he was when he came) and some special things such as the first thing I ever bought him and his I Am 3 birthday tshirt.

When I did the first clear out it really helped me to donate the clothes he’d outgrown. I gave them to a charity that helps people who have lost everything (either by going in to a refuge or had a house fire).

thanks so much - yes you are right - letting them go to someone else who needs them wil help

We were completely overwhelmed by the amount of toys, clothes even bits of furniture my son brought with him aged 2.5. We had to drive 4 hours from FC to our home and couldn't even fit it all in one car.

We bit the bullet and gave loads of the larger stuff to charity shops before we travelled. We did feel guilt but - there was a LOT of stuff, and we lived in a small flat. 11 years later he still has a few toys and teddies from those days but only the most special things. He has a big memory box too.

Thanks @RockingBeebo