Adoption in UK

[Lialiuma]

Hello, well after very bad IVFs and medics saying that there is a risks to do another ivf due to my condition we would like to explore adoption, but don’t have any clue how to begin… also it’s petrifying to know that only unhealthy children are for adoption… this all is extremely traumatic for me.. so maybe you could advice or share how, where and ect. My sadness is unacceptable at this point.. it’s like what ever I do it seems that being a parent is not an aption for us…

@Lialiuma

Firstly I'm sorry for your losses.
Before you even think about adoption you need to take some time out and grieve for the birth children you wished for. The adoption process is very intense and if you are feeling traumatised by your experiences its not a good idea to put yourself through it.
Most adoption agencies will not accept you until at least 6 months after you have finished fertility treatment.

You are right in that adoption is a very difficult thing.

Can I ask if English is your first language ?
Your use of the word 'unhealthy' is troubling if not.
Children needing adoptive families are not unhealthy as such. They have had very difficult starts to life, they will have experienced trauma and loss. Some may have medical conditions, or learning disabilities or a whole host of other things. Some may be very complex. But that's part and parcel of adoption.
Whilst many people do come to adoption because of fertility issues its important to understand that adoption is not about finding children for families, but finding families for children. It's an important difference which means that it's the children's needs which are prioritised, not the adults.
My best advice to you is to take some time out to recover and come to terms with your situation.
Then contact a few agencies, go to some information evenings and take it from there.

I agree with @Ted27. You sound like you are hurting a lot. Take some time to process and heal.

Many adopters found the adoption process very difficult, and life in adoptive families can be very challenging. Once you feel better, have a look at book like "Preparing for Adoption" by Julia Davis, "No Matter What" by Sally Donovan and "Building the Bonds of Attachment" by Dan Hughes to get an idea of what you are embarking on. There are many more excellent books available. There are also many good podcasts out there, if you prefer, or you could join Adoption UK, who run online and local groups which can be very helpful.

I share@Ted27s' concern about your use of the word "unhealthy". Having a child by adoption is not the same as having a child by birth, and that is something you need to know and embrace.

Hi, I just wanted to say I really understand where you’re coming from. My husband and I have only recently started exploring adoption after multiple failed IVF rounds, and it’s such a heavy grief. We're struggling with the decision, too. I speak from my own experience when I say this: it's best to take a break and grieve before you make this decision. We went on holiday, visited friends and family, did a few fun things...just to distract ourselves since IVF was so challenging with a disappointing result. Once you've allowed yourself some space, you can attend info events with adoption agencies, and they'll help you with the next steps.