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Adoption

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Kinship

15 replies

Mariocatgran · 17/11/2025 10:09

Can anyone help me with this were just trying to help our GS and get kinship for him

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Arran2024 · 17/11/2025 13:39

I would recommend you speak to these people https://frg.org.uk/

https://frg.org.uk

Mariocatgran · 17/11/2025 15:44

@Ted27thank you but this is England/Wales im in Scotland but ive had a good read its appreciated

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Mariocatgran · 17/11/2025 15:45

@Arran2024hi thanks this is England im Scotland bit its appreciated

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Jellycatspyjamas · 17/11/2025 15:58

How far along in the process are you? Is your child in agreement that your grandchild lives with you? What involvement has there been from social work? If you say a bit more I may be able to help (Scottish social worker).

Mariocatgran · 17/11/2025 16:46

@Jellycatspyjamas not far we just had a panel so have an interim 3 weeks and waiting on a Safeguarder coming

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Jellycatspyjamas · 17/11/2025 16:56

Ok so they’ve made an interim compulsory supervision order? The next steps are for the safeguarder to talk to everyone (including the child unless they’re tiny) and write their report. You should get a copy of the report. The hearing will then decide to continue the supervision order with a condition of residence with you, make an alternative care arrangement or return the child home.

It’s important that you show that you can work with arrangements around contact and the child’s plan. They should agree financial support for you to care for the child and regular reviews with social work. You may find the case gets continued if they can’t gather all the reports in time - 3 weeks isn’t much time to do visits, gather information and write their report report in time for the panel so don’t be surprised if the ICSO gets extended. Do you have particular questions or concerns?

Mariocatgran · 17/11/2025 20:03

Wete just so worried he will be sent back hes severely Autistic ADHD although that 1 isn't diagnosed yet as mum doesn't care about appointments he has very bad behaviour problems and they expect them to change in 3 weeks Mum said she has split with BF and he took an overdose at her address at weekend and also his bail address our grandson is non verbal so cant say what's went on im so stressed

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Jellycatspyjamas · 17/11/2025 21:48

They won’t expect his behaviour to improve within 3 weeks, if anything you might see things get worse as he starts to feel safer and doesn’t need to hide his distress as much.

The bail address is a matter of public record so if he’s recorded as being there the social worker and safeguarded should know, but tell them both and follow that up by email. Try to link his behaviours back to trauma and to his neurodiversity. Is mum saying why he’s not been assessed? Waiting times are years long so it may be reasonable that it’s not been done yet, but she does need parenting strategies that help his welfare and to support him.

You don’t need to say here, but think clearly about your concerns - are they about your DD, her partner or both. What are your concerns, give examples of what has happened and the impact on your grandchild. Try not to assume or be personal about it by which I mean, for example, you may not like her partner but it’s his behaviour and the impact on your grandchild that’s important. The same for your DD, there may be things you don’t like about how she parents, but it’s the impact on your grandchild that’s important matters and whether it reaches the threshold of causing or risking him significant harm. Don’t forget that because of his additional needs he will be more vulnerable than other children his age.

It may be helpful for you to go through the SHANARRI indicators (google will tell you what they stand for) and think about how you can meet them - that’s the framework services use to assess wellbeing and risk of harm. If you can see differences in him while staying with you, explain these to the safeguarder (for example this is his daily routine and he’s doing well with X), but don’t think it all needs to be perfect because that’s unrealistic. Spend the time you have providing him a safe, stable environment and raise both your achievements and your concerns with the safeguarder, their role is to represent your grandsons best interests at the hearing. They will likely observe him in your home environment, it’s not a test, they’ll want to see how he’s doing and what your relationship is like so just do the things you usually do with him.

I hope that helps a bit, you sound very caring of him.

Mariocatgran · 18/11/2025 07:58

@Jellycatspyjamasmorning thanks for replying my son his dad is in prison his mum who i do get on with takes drugs this is just a shit situation i try my best to have a good relationship with hia mum even though she lies to my face constantly my GS says bye mum when hes to go home you cant say mum grandson or grandad who he resides with or he has a meltdown we have a great wee routine with him hes really content here but isnt to keen on being told No as his mum let's him do as he pleases and we try and have a routine its sad he only wants McDonald's but we dont allow that and he isnt happy as he gets to eat what he want ats his grans

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SleafordSods · 21/11/2025 07:27

If he is only wanting to eat MacDonalds, this is fairly common with people with ASD. The food always the same and not challenging in any way. Plus it’s very soft so easy to eat.

Ask the SW and the Team who are assessing him if he may also have ARFID.

Mariocatgran · 21/11/2025 11:25

What is that I haven't heard of it @SleafordSods

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SleafordSods · 21/11/2025 18:51

ARFID is Avoidant Food Restrictive Intake Disorder. My DD has it and would literally starve rather than have to eat something that she didn’t like the look of.

It’s one of those conditions, like ADHD and Dyspraxia that often sit alongside Autism.

There is some more information on ARFiD here Flowers

Ted27 · 22/11/2025 12:17

@Mariocatgran

You have a lot on your plate at the moment.
Some times you have to pick your battles.
When so much is changing for him Id say don't make food a battle.
If all he will eat is McDs then so be it- the priority is that he is fed and you don't destroy your relationship over food battles.
You can introduce other foods slowly as other things in life calm down.
It would be very well worth looking at eating disorders though

Good luck

SleafordSods · 22/11/2025 12:44

I do agree with Ted. You have a lot going on and you’re all getting used to the change. If he’ll only eat MacDonalds, then I’d go with that for now Flowers

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