Perimenpause and my adopted son

[Gafan]

Hi
So i am going through perimenpause and it's a killer and so my tolerance levels are very low , my fuse is short etc and so parenting my AS feels very difficult 😭
He's almost 10 so hormonal, full of backchat, pushing boundaries and has some sensory issues also.
Just looking for anyone who has any advice about if I can do anything different etc ..
It's really affecting our relationship and we have always struggled and have had lots of support through post adoption and tbh motherhood right now feels like the most difficult job .

Thanks for reading..x

I’m sorry that sounds tough ❤️‍🩹

we’re currently having DDP to support us with similar issues, it’s been really eye opening and supportive and am feeling more hopeful

accessed through ASF , sorry if you’ve already done it but felt worth mentioning just incase!

perimenopause is awful so you have my sympathy!

when we’re struggling we try to have a pause moment and work out how to break negative patterns and focus on connection. We’ll plan a day of low key, low demand connecting activities and let ds control it(within reason)

are there particular triggers or tricky moments you could focus on? I find it too much to think big picture but chsnging a few small interactions can turn a whole day around (sometimes!!)

also self care, self care, self care

It is tough, I hit menopause just as my DD hit puberty - there have been times I just wanted to hide in my room, and times I literally needed to walk out of the room.

Things that helped were HRT - I felt my tolerance levels shift almost immediately. Really, really picking my battles, not joining every fight I was “invited” to, sometimes it doesn’t matter if they win a little. Try to create capacity in other parts of your life - slow down a little bit, make sure you’re getting rest, take a good multi-vitamin for menopause, try to eat well and get a good sleep routine if possible. It does get easier over time but you need to look after yourself.

I did have lots of conversations with my DD about both of our bodies going through changes at the same time, that I’d try to be mindful of her and she needed to be mindful of me. Lots and lots of conversations when things calmed down with space for both of us to explain how we were feeling, to apologise where needed and to remind each other that we love each other.

He sounds like any normal kid, with the added issues of being adopted mixed with his hormones. Try not to focus on him being adopted. Would you be doing the same if he was your biological child?

But that’s the point, isn’t it? He IS adopted so there ARE extra issues.

@ForDearSwan the reason adopted parents post on this board is that parenting tips that work on non adopted/bio children are not appropriate for our adopted children.

Yes our children go through all the same issues and problems that bio children do ( especially during puberty ) - we just have to manage these issues in a different way due to the additional complex layers our children have.