Grammar Schools

[Beetham]

Hi all,

I'm beginning to look at secondary schools for dd1, and I wanted to ask if anyone has experience of grammar schools for their adopted children (or who have any other experience would also be very welcome!).

Our LA doesn't have grammars but a nearby one does and I am considering entering her for them. I have done a list of pros and cons (happy to share them if people think they'd be helpful) but my main reasons are that our nearby secondaries are either a bit feral (my sister is in slt there and doesn't recommend for dd!) or a non-selective but very strict and 'unashamedly academic' approach which i don't want for her. The grammars are also smaller than our LA secondaries (600 vs 1000 -1500) and both self reported and feedback from other parents is that there is really good pastoral systems and support.

My concerns are do they make for very competitive environments? People with kids there say not really but it'd be helpful to know what to look for. Are they less flexible in their approach? I'm concerned that although highly ethnically and culturally diverse they are very much not when it comes to different classes and 'types' of families for lack of a better word. Are there other things I'm not considering? I know they have very very few lac/plac pupils as they publish their intake data

Grammar school was an absolute nightmare for my teen AD1(now very nearly an adult). She has a very spiky profile (full marks in her English Language GCSE but just about scraped her Maths). I suspect FASD. Her grammar has/had a large cohort of high functioning autistic students. So it was a bit Oranges are not the Only Fruit. Everything was geared towards meeting the needs of the students with autism. As it happens, my AD1 is diagnosed with autism (but, you know, overlap with attachment disorders and FASD etc). Her other complexities and disabilities were totally overlooked. It was one of the happiest days of my life when she left school.

One of my daughters is much happier in highly academic environments, because she feels safer there. She was in a grammar stream at a big comp for a short while, then at a small academic school and is now in 6th form at a school. Other children and families have been most accepting of our "extras" in less socially diverse schools, maybe because there were less children who needed "acceptance" and everyone was - in some ways - less stressed.

For both my children, school size is a big factor. They cope much better in smaller schools. In secondary, the number of other LAC children in the year group or school has been irrelevant for my children. There have always been other families and children for whom life wasn't pure sunshine and that was sufficient.

I think this is going to be very school specific.

I know of one adopted DC who went over the border to grammar successfully whilst their less academic sibling went to the local comp.

Have you visited any of the schools yet? That would be a good way to ask questions and get a sense of the support available.

How do you think your daughter would react to failing the exam? Would she be the type to shrug it off or do you think her confidence would take a knock? Would she have a negative attitude to the school she goes to if she does fail?

If you like an individual school and you're confident that your daughter could cope if she failed the exam then I don't think being adopted in itself should rule it out.

Thank you all,

Yes I've visited the two that are most realistic due to having school bus services right by our house. One I felt was a good fit and the other I feel a bit reticent about (it's exceptionally high acheiving, all girls, I wonder if it could be too pressured for dd). Exam wise the bar is lower for plac/lac and I think as long as it was presented to dd right/without much pressure attached she would be fine with not passing. I think this would be a different matter if we lived in the borough and all her friends were also sitting for it and talking about it constantly etc. but I was planning to phrase it as something to see if the school is a good fit for you and vice versa. Thankfully won't be setting any precident for DD2 as she is profoundly disabled and in special school so will not feel under pressure to follow in dd1's footsteps.

@onlytherain yes that was exactly my hope too. I think feeling safer, the smaller cohort and also they have 6th forms which our LA schools don't. So she has options if she wants to move but can also stay if she wants.

@ThePieceHall thank you, yes that's also my fears! DD1 doesn't have any diagnoses and as yet asd/fasd etc. haved been a concern. She is however very anxious and benefits from structure. I will visit the one I preferred again and meet with the senco specifically to talk about dd in more detail