Looking for support/groups for my girlfriend

[Portoman]

Hi

My girlfriend has 2 teenage girls 13 and 14 (sisters) who she and he former husband adopted, so she is a single parent now. She adopted the girls from a very young age, but over the past 6 months their behaviour has gone out of control. One is diagnosed ADHD and the other has been self harming. They don't listen to her, are abusive, don't respond to curfews and this week they were suspended from secondary school. My girlfriend is going out of her mind with stress and has no idea why they are suddenly started behaving like this, though much seems to be they have a range of dickhead friends who are influencing them.

I'm trying to put her in touch with parents of adopted children and in particular those who have or are experiencing similar problems, as the situation is just getting worse and she cannot find a way through. She has been in touch with Family Help and Social Services who are apparently assigning a social worker at some stage, but who knows when.

Does anyone know of any groups like this or websites where groups can be found?

Thanks a lot.

@Portoman

Its not uncommon for adopted children to go off the rails when they hit the teenage years.
Its a difficult enough time for most kids, adopted kids may be particularly thinking about their identity and birth family. At 13/14 pressure at school is also starting to increase.
There are many support groups out there but Id suggest you point your girlfriend here initially, the wise heads offer lots of support but can also sign post to more specific sources of support.
She can access the Adoption Support Fund but needs an assessment from a social worker. There is a legal obligation on the LA to do the needs assessment- its always worth reminding LAs about their statutory duties.
Its a difficult time, its good that you are being supportive.

Thanks I actually thought there might have been an "adoption" section on this site tbh.

There is! She can post questions here. Otherwise she could look at Adoption UK or The Potato Group - both have web sites and offer peer to peer support.

@Portoman
You are on the adoption board??!

Adoption uk is brilliant,have a look at their websites,they have meet ups on zoom and in person and is so so helpful.

Don't you have to pay £50 a year to get access to the member's section and then the groups with Adoption UK?

Yes. It is quite expensive. Potato group is cheaper but much more peer to peer support. Tbh Potato group might be more suitable if she is having lots of problems.

I second the The Potato group and Adoption UK. Your friend could ask for therapy or life story work funded by the adoption support fund. In order to get funding, it is important not to sugarcoat anything and share the whole breadth of problems with the assessing social worker. She could also ask her GP for a referral to CAMHS, and report every instance of self-harm.

It sounds like one child might be more externalising and aggressive, while the other is internalising and self-harming. If that is the case and the externalising one is violent towards her sibling, she can ask social care for a Child in Need assessment for the younger one.

If she hasn't already, she could also look into Non-violent Resistance (NVR) or Bryan Post's approach, two very different approaches which suit different types of parents.

Bryan Post:

There are also many videos on NVR on YouTube.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Unofficial-Guide-Therapeutic-Parenting-Years/dp/1785921746

www.amazon.co.uk/Z-Therapeutic-Parenting-Strategies-Solutions/dp/1785923765?s=books

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Parenting-Adopted-Teenagers-Advice-Adolescent/dp/1849056048?s=books